


Batarian Fire - After Effects

by Irimsaya, shadow0246



Series: Reunited [8]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-01-18 18:54:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1439158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irimsaya/pseuds/Irimsaya, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow0246/pseuds/shadow0246
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time to head home and rest</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Follow up directly to "Batarian Fire" and Co-written with my long time friend in crime: Irimsaya.
> 
> Really good now to read the whole series of Reunited (or at least part one, Victory and Losses, The Shelter and Batarian Fire), otherwise this doesn't make any sense now.
> 
> \- originally written only for my friend and I as text rpg  
> \- Jase IS Commander Shepard too (and gay), but from an alternate reality (came over in ME1, Eden Prime)  
> \- additional characters we listed are covered, but main focus are our Shepards and their LIs
> 
> Characters are written by:  
> Shadow:  
> Jase (Jason) Shepard, Kaidan Alenko, Dr. Arlen Novak (original character), Kim (original character), Hilary Moreau, Steve, sometimes Joker, Hannah Shepard and sometimes Edi
> 
> Irimsaya:  
> Irimsaya "Saya" Shepard, Joker, Elaine Gemla (original character), Kaidan "Dan" Alenko, Kasumi, Miranda Lawson, Liam (original character), Liara, Dr. Chakwas, most of Hannah Shepard and Edi, sometimes Kaidan Alenko (eg: Jase and Kaidan talk, Saya writes Kaidan)

###  Home is where the heart is

Vancouver had seen better days, Jase knew this. Better days from the time before the Reapers had hit earth and begun to strip away any form of civilization. But as he was looking around the evidence of buildings being rebuilt was clearly visible. Less rubble, less damaged buildings, more plants which were growing once again and a few more shuttles and sky cars could be seen. People were struggling but all of them were working hard to overcome the obstacles of the war.

Jase turned around when he heard Arlen's voice talking softly to Jeff and making sure the man was not in too much pain for the transport. Rolling his shoulders Jase's neck cracked. Once, twice. And a third time. Jase sighed in relief and inhaled deeply. Fresh air and the smell of earth caused by the light rain which was falling. He watched as Arlen went with his patient into Jeff's shuttle and Jase picked up their suitcase, hurrying to join the rest of the family already sitting in their shuttle, ready to take them to Hawaii.

For a second he froze when he saw Elaine inside. Next to her a man he didn't know at all. His gaze swept over to Saya and Kaidan and towards Hilary and Dan. On Dan his gaze lingered for another second before he sat down the suitcase. Jase quickly went into the cockpit to see who was flying them before he'd return to Jeff's side.

"Miranda," he said a bit surprised but recovered quickly. "Good to see you."

"Shepard, welcome back to Earth. I trust everything is in order now?" Miranda asked as she turned in the seat to face him.

"Yeah. I'll fill you in once we're home." Jase touched her shoulder a bit and returned to Jeff. Without a word he used the belts, hit the wall a bit to let Miranda know they were all ready to go home and laid his hand under Jeff's. The bed was supposed to be as comfortable as possible, but he doubted it was helping.

"Jeff, how is it?"

Joker kept up his steady breathing, trying to control his voice so he wouldn't worry his mate.

"I'll be okay." He was surprised to find that his teeth were clenched.

Jase nodded and gave Jeff a gentle smile to encourage him. But he knew he was in a hell of pain and kept watching Arlen, wishing the Doctor could work a miracle and remove Jeff's pain.

Arlen felt the eyes on himself and was doing everything possible. The only last option available was to sedate his patient.

Jase felt the shuttle taking off; he saw that it hurt Jeff and he winced in sympathy.

Edi shook off her security belt and went to kneel next to Joker.

"You will be fine, Jeff. Focus on my voice. Let the sound of it lift you away from any pain you may feel."

Joker closed his eyes again and tried to focus.

Jase's eyebrows rose and he figured he should have done something like this.

Arlen stopped what he was doing and laid his hand onto Edi's shoulder. He had heard about this but had never tried it before.

Edi was fully aware of all the eyes in the cabin on her and Jeff.

"That's it, Jeff. Relax. Imagine yourself already back at your shelter and in your own bed. Back in the lovely weather that Hawaii always enjoys. Do not lose that image. Hear the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach. The joyful times you have spent there. Keep your mind in that location. Do not waver."

Jase nearly followed her words wanting to do the same. And yet it reminded him of what Kelly had taught him to do when things became too stressful. As it had an effect on him he sighed softly and relaxed, while keeping his eyes on Jeff's face. Jase swallowed. It really seemed to work as he felt Jeff's hand on his relax.

Arlen kept watching his patient while he listened to Edi. Later he wanted to ask her to teach him this. Scanning Jeff, he saw that his heartbeat slowed down a little and his breathing became more even.

Analyzing Joker's vitals herself, Edi got up and went back to her seat.

"He is sleeping now. I would suggest that no one wake him."

Jase nodded quietly and saw Kaidan do the same.

Arlen watched Edi with something like wonder in his eyes and he gave her a smile. He didn't say a word, too afraid of waking up his patient and he carefully sat down.

Hilary squeezed Dan's hand and carefully wiped a tear away as no one was to see it.

Dan leaned over to her and kissed her cheek gently and whispered in her ear.

"Don't hide that stuff from me.... Please. We'll talk about it later."

Hilary leaned into him and smiled a very little. Then she nodded and closed her eyes, hoping the flight was going by very fast for her brother's sake.

When the shuttle sat down the very first sound Kaidan heard were the dog's barking. As soon as the door opened he heard something else too. Two babies gurgling and baby talking. Kaidan quickly stood up and gave Saya his hand.

Saya couldn't get out of her harness fast enough. She grabbed Kaidan's hand and let him pull her at a near jog from the shuttle to the sound of their babies and the dogs.

Jase had a grin on his face when the two of them were rushing past him and he turned to watch.

Hilary took her time but now that her curiosity had been sparked, she wanted to see what was going and where they were hurrying off to.

Kaidan didn't know which one of their babies he had, he just cuddled one close and kissed the head. Then he turned his biotics on and off and, now he saw it, David started to laugh.

"You like it when daddy is making fun with you David, don't you?"

Kaidan chuckled softly and looked at Saya.

Saya was holding Hilary as close to her as she could, cuddling and cooing at her baby girl who seemed so much bigger than the last time she had seen her. Closing her eyes, Saya inhaled the scent of her baby and sighed happily.

Dr. Chakwas, Terry and Kelly stood there, watching them with big smiles on their faces and letting the parents enjoy their welcome party.

Kaidan placed a gentle kiss onto Saya's cheek and just smiled at her. Then he sighed deeply, feeling very happy right now.

"Mr. Shepard, Mr. Shepard!" A child came running and the dogs were barking once again. Jase moved out of the shuttle and chuckled a bit.

"Jeremy. Hey sport." Jase was surprised when Jeremy flung himself onto him and he oofed a little. But he quickly recovered and knelt down to give him a real hug. "Missed me?"

"Yes! Where is Mr. Pilot?" Jeremy didn't let go right away, enjoying the hug. But then he looked at Jase. "Your hair has grown."

"It has. Jeremy, Mr. Moreau is still in the shuttle, asleep. He's been hurt bad. Don't you worry about it though, he'll be fine in a few weeks." Jase wondered how he'd take these news.

Jeremy nodded, eyes wide and looked into the shuttle.

"Want to see him?" Jase asked and got up.

"Yes, please," Jeremy whispered.

"Alright," Jase answered and laid his hand onto his shoulder, leading him inside to Jeff.

Jeremy just looked at his favourite person for a while and nodded before he quietly left the shuttle, feeling quite sad.

Jase wasn't sure how he had taken these news as he watched him leave.

Hilary felt a little bit overwhelmed. New life, new reality, new people and so many new situations, babies, children. Two dogs? She blinked.

Dan squeezed Hilary's hand gently.

"I think it's time we disembarked don't you?"

Hilary nodded and moved closer to Dan, feeling like having stepped into a dream or something. But then Jeff wouldn't lie in a bed, instead he'd be healthy. She heard Jase talking to that other man who seemed to live here too, Terry was his name. And the Doctor was talking too. Elaine's friend Ian moved with them and then she knew what they were doing, carrying her brother into the huge house.

Dan's eyes were on the house. A shelter they had called it. It was a friggin mansion in his opinion. It was magnificent and he found himself jealous of his twin.

"It's huge, isn't it? Like made for a vacation," Hilary whispered to Dan.

Kelly came walking towards them, having Sakura and Kai on her hands. "Welcome back home everyone," Kelly smiled at the huge group, not showing any surprise at the double Kaidan.

"Mary has taken over the kitchen and has fixed us a late lunch." Kaidan grinned at Saya, figuring they both could do with some food.

Saya looked up and around.

"Did someone say food?"

Kaidan chuckled at this. "I think so." Then he looked at all the people they brought with them. "Well, if anyone else wants to eat with us, please follow us inside."

Dan glanced at Hilary.

"Are you hungry?"

Hilary nodded and answered softly. "Mmh yes I am. Are you hungry Kaidan?"

"I could eat something. Not sure my hunger is for food though." Dan whispered into her ear as that last sentence was for her ears only.

Hilary giggled softly, that was driving the dark clouds successfully away. She walked even closer to Dan now. Rounding the corner of the house, she saw the sundeck went on and on. And there was a little garden between the porch stairs. Hilary wanted to say, 'My god how big is this house?' but didn't do so. Entering the house with the group she felt like...

"I feel like a princess when walking into this... house. The word castle would describe it better," she whispered to Dan. Now she was wondering where they would stay and what a room would look like.

"No kidding." Dan said in shock as he looked around. "This place is just amazing...."

Hilary blinked again. Coming from a world which laid in ashes and ruins to something like this was extremely stark in contrast.

Kaidan turned to their visitors. "If anyone needs a grand tour I would be willing to lead you around after we had a snack."

Elaine raised her hand a bit.

"I'm sure I can speak on behalf of all of us when I say a tour would be very much appreciated... if only so we don't get lost..."

Kaidan nodded at her. "The house can be a bit overwhelming at first. Follow us to the kitchen please." Kaidan chuckled softly when David gurgled something. "I think our son agrees."

"I just can't get over how much they've grown." Saya remarked, her voice betraying her disappointment at not being there with them.

Jase came down the stairs, seeing the whole bunch of people down there, including Elaine. He was ignoring her completely. Looking at baby Hilary Jase thought that ten weeks were apparently a long time for babies to grow. He leaned down and gave her head a kiss and did the same with little David.

"If you don't mind, I'll eat upstairs and stay with Jeff."

Ian snorted a bit and moved off to be alone.

Saya nodded to Jase.

"Of course, Jase. I totally understand."

Hilary wondered why Ian left the group and shook her head a little.

"Thanks," Jase said and hurried into the kitchen and said his hello to Mary. He took a plate and loaded it, only to disappear upstairs into their room.

  
  


Hilary rubbed her belly and sighed softly. "Oh I'm stuffed," she whispered to Dan while watching Saya, Kaidan and the babies. "This was very delicious."

Dan smiled in agreement.

"Yes much better than the rations we've been living on for years now..."

Hilary laid her head onto Dan's shoulder, watching the other Kaidan interacting with the baby boy. She nearly dozed off when she began thinking about the past days. When the sound of the waves reached her ear she knew she had to get a bathing suit.

Kaidan laughed softly when he was playing with David and looked at his wife, at the moment he was feeling very happy.

Saya grinned at Kaidan then yelped when a wet tongue hit the back of her neck.

"Ares!!"

Pepper wasn't far away and did a dance behind her chair, barking madly.

Kaidan chuckled and even more when their twins began laughing too.

Hilary thought she had landed in a mad house but was grinning. The baby laughing was such a sweet sound to her ears.

A cat leaped onto the table and meowed loudly.

"Mitzi!" Kaidan shook his head and tried to catch her.

Mary laughed and stood up, beginning to clear the table with her husband's help.

Saya looked over at Hilary with a kind smile.

"Hilary... I'd like you to meet my daughter - Hilary."

"Oh!" Hilary just said and then the wheels were turning in her head. "You.. you named her after me?" she asked, totally surprised as her eyes fell onto the baby girl with a big smile on her face.

"Yes." Saya smiled kindly. "You see in our reality... she doesn't have an Aunt Hilary."

Hilary looked from the little girl back to her mother and to her daddy, who so looked like her Dan and back to the little one. There was no sister of Jeff's here in this reality until now. Now she was here.

"Thank you," she said softly. "My brother must mean a great deal to you when you decided to name your baby girl after me."

"He does, Hilary." Saya spoke softly. "And now so do you."

Hilary nodded, having had a weird thought. How similar these two Shepards actually were. She could have sworn Jase would have said the exact same sentence.

"Thank you, again, ma'am. I'm happy to be here and to stay in this, forgive me," she laughed softly, " _castle_ with Dan." Hilary kept watching the baby girl and how content and happy she seemed to be.

"Hilary, please... don't ma'am me. My name is Irimsaya or if you wish to shorten it like everyone else has - Saya."

"Irimsaya," Hilary repeated her name. "Thank you, Irimsaya."

Kaidan moved David onto his other arm, now that the pets had decided to take their play outside. "How about I lead you around for a bit? This castle of ours has a lot to offer. Would you like to start outside? We still have nice weather and there is a lot to see before we will show you where you can sleep."

"I say let's do it. I wouldn't mind knowing where things are if only so I don't stub my toe on something..." Dan answered.

Hilary looked at him and sniggered softly.

"Come on then, I'll show you around," Kaidan said and stood up, taking David with him and lead them out of the kitchen. "This obviously is the main house," he joked a little.

In the background Jase came jogging downstairs and passed by the group, going into the kitchen instead.

"Outside as you saw earlier we have three houses for children, a barn, a pool, a garden, a place to barbeque, somewhere off towards the beach where you can play chess, and, of course, there is the access to the beach."

Kaidan explained as he took them to the porch. "And the sundeck, if anyone of you would like to work on a tan."

Hilary followed them and took Dan's hand, looking around. "Oh this fish tank is really huge. Did you see it?" Hilary whispered to Dan.

Dan glanced at her as they walked behind his double.

"This whole friggin place is huge..."

"Yes," she whispered to him.

Kaidan turned to look at him. "I don't know the current count of children staying here at the moment, but the last house is reserved for poor families to come and spend their vacation here."

"This place is just amazing, Commander. We're all impressed." Dan stated.

Kaidan smiled at him and nodded. "Please, call me Kaidan. I know this is your name too but we all are off duty here. Kaidan's fine. As for this place, Saya found it. She bought it for Jase."

Kaidan didn't tell him that Joker had a part in this too, not really wanting to push him too hard. Kaidan himself couldn't imagine being forced to let go of his love for his wife.

"Mary and Kevin owned the place before, but due to their age and size of all of this, they decided to sell it. We all agreed to let them stay here as obviously they put a lot of love and heart into this. Aside of helping out in the house, Mary and Kevin have a private room in the first house."

"It's nice of you to let them stay here," Hilary nodded. "And it is also nice Irimsaya bought this for Jase."

"Actually, she bought it for all of us. None of us knew where to go after the war and everyone needed a place they could call home and where we could recuperate. Well, Jase lost his apartment on the Citadel. First he was forced to move by Cerberus hunting him down and the Citadel had been nearly destroyed when the Crucible fired. We... barely managed to get him out of there alive."

Hilary eyed Dan, squeezing his hand gently.

Dan flinched a bit at the words then silently squeezed Hilary's hand back. He didn't trust his voice enough to say anything.

Elaine, however, had no such qualms. "How many people are staying here now then?"

"Actually a lot of people," Kaidan began. "Starting with our family, which are four adults and the twins, we have Miranda Lawson, Dr. Chakwas, Kelly Chambers, Terry Foral, Mary and Kevin. Jeremy, Kai and Sakura are the children I know about and Liam, our geth. Including two horses, two dogs, a cat, goose, a few hens and a rooster. On and off we have my mother in law stopping by, too. All in all ten adults at the moment."

"Very good..." Elaine kept looking around.

Hilary wasn't sure if Elaine's answer was a good or bad one. She stole a looks at Dan, and then she looked towards the ocean.

Kaidan followed Elaine's gaze and pointed out, "This is obviously the playground and past you can see the pool."

For a moment he looked down at his son and saw he was asleep, which warmed Kaidan's heart and he rocked David a little in his arms before he gave his head a soft kiss. It dawned on him that David was getting more hair. Then he saw Dan looking towards his garden, but Kaidan didn't say anything about.

"Do you really have access to the beach?" Hilary asked, half tempted to run down to it.

"Actually yes, we do," Kaidan smiled at her. "Jase has a few surfboards stored away somewhere, if you like that kind of sport."

"Oh, no thank you," Hilary laughed softly and glanced at Dan, "I'm not into this kind of sport."

"Why not, Hil? I could teach you if you wanted..." Dan grinned at her. "And teaching people how to surf can be very hmmmm intimate."

Kaidan just stared at his twin, he couldn't believe he could surf as he himself never learned it.

Hilary grinned sheepishly. "Is it really?"

"It can be." Dan teased her. "You going to sign up for my lessons?"

Hilary thought about it with a smile, looking back to the ocean and once again at Dan.

"I will need a bathing suit," she said as her index finger moved down Dan's chest. If it was up to her she wouldn't need one at all.

Dan was well aware of Kaidan watching them with widened eyes and he smiled at Hilary.

"We'll find you one don't worry."

Hilary grinned at him and nodded. "Signed up, Mr. Alenko!"

Kaidan recovered then somewhat. "Uh, if you have more questions please ask. Otherwise feel free to roam the property. In the evening I can show a bit more of the house, including where you will sleep."

Elaine smiled at Kaidan.

"Thank you for the tour. By any chance is there a terminal here I can use to catch myself up on events here?"

"In the house, close to the stairs. There are a few terminals you can choose from," Kaidan explained. "I should go back to Saya and bring the little one here to her. I can show you."

"I'd appreciate it, thank you Kaidan." Elaine said.

"Please follow me. Dan, Hilary, are you two going to be alright here?"

Hilary looked at Dan, knowing she would be and also she really wanted to see the beach now and explore the area a bit.

Dan glanced at Hilary then looked back to Kaidan.

"I think we're going to be just fine."

Kaidan nodded at them. "I'll see you both later." Kaidan led Elaine inside.

Hilary noticed that Jase left the main building, going towards what she thought was a barn.

"Welllll....," Hilary began, "I am having difficulties to wrap my head around all of this here." She threw open her arms, waving around. "I never expected anything like.... _this_."

"I don't think any of us did, Hil." Dan replied, seeing Jase. "They certainly got the luck we should have had."

"Yes," Hilary said softly. "And all of it started when he disappeared. I feel... overwhelmed, to be honest. And even a bit out of place here. I'm unsure of what to do here, aside of you teaching me how to surf of course." Hilary grinned a bit, studying the barn and looked more than surprised when Jase came out of is, leading a horse outside.

"Wow.... I, I know the Commander said they had two horses but...," she trailed off, eyes wide.

Dan smiled reminiscently.

"He always did love animals."

Hilary nodded, knowing she could use some time for herself and just sit at the beach to really understand that this wasn't a dream but real and she was really here now.

"Kaidan?" she said softly. "You can't avoid him forever. You could go and talk a bit to him while I go and sit at the beach."

Looking at her, Dan realized she wanted to be alone and he bit his lip.

"I..uh... yeah of course..." he bowed his head and took a breath, heading in the direction Jase had gone.

Hilary sighed softly and was hoping that maybe the two of them would at least be able to talk to each other once again. She headed down to the beach and nearly squeaked a bit at the beauty the beach was. She took off her shoes and just started to run along the beach, forgetting about wanting to sit down and to reflect.

  
  


Jase was softly talking to the horse when he saw Dan approaching him. "Hey Dan. Kaidan gave you the grand tour?"

"He did, yeah. Was very nice of him too. How's Joker?"

For a second Jase considered asking Dan if he wanted to ride out with him, but let it go instead. Jase sighed, looking sad and worried.

"In a lot of pain, but coping. He is healing, but it's gonna take a while. Dan, thanks again for all your help."

Jase moved a bit, holding the reins of the horse as no one had really ridden the two horses after they had left.

"How are you and Hilary?"

"Good... good..." He trailed off as he realized Jase had been told. "I guess I didn't get time to tell you myself. I'm sorry."

Jase nodded. "Hey. That's alright. You just told me. Wouldn't want you hiding your feelings towards her just because I'm around," Jase said and began walking the horse a bit. "Now for real. How are you Kaidan."

"I guess a bit overwhelmed, Jase. And I miss having my best friend to talk to."

"Kaidan, you still can talk to me. That hasn't changed." Jase nodded and looked around. "Overwhelmed. Yeah. There's a lot going on for you currently."

"Thanks Jase." Dan felt himself smile. "You always were great with people."

Jase smiled at this and nodded. "Thanks. Partly your work too."

"You think so? I'd love to know how..."

Jase chuckled softly and looked over at the house to where Jeff's and his bedroom was. "You tamed me Kaidan. You made me realize that there's more to people than just using them for my needs and benefits."

Dan actually let himself laugh.

"I tamed you??"

"Yeah. You never picked up on that, did you," Jase grinned a bit.

"I uh... no I guess I didn't." Dan let himself laugh. "I must have done a damned good job then."

"You did, you did," Jase chuckled now and studied the horse. Then he sighed softly and became thoughtful.

"Last time I was riding out it was with your twin. I came back alone. Kaidan had been kidnapped. I'd ask you to ride out with me. But.. part of me's afraid it will happen again."

"Well if it does happen again then this time they not only have to deal with a biotic but also a Shadow Broker."

Jase chuckled softly at this. "So, you're saying you would ride out with me. As for the Shadow Broker. Liara accepted to work with you?"

"She did indeed. Thankfully. Don't know what I would have done if she hadn't."

Jase nodded, knowing he had ignored the first part of the question and decided not to ask again. "We would have found a way. And if I had to convince Liara myself." Jase stroked his horse a bit and looked up at her.

"It's getting cooler. How about I take for you a ride, Milady," Jase said to her and grinned when she seemed to answer.

"Is the invite to go with you still open?" Dan asked tentatively.

"It is," Jase answered and nodded at him to follow him inside to the other horse.

"Her name is Doreen." Jase got her ready for Dan and handed her over to him before he checked the time.

"Just a short ride Kaidan, half an hour top." Jase didn't say he wanted to be back upstairs with Jeff later for dinner and got up onto his horse. Then he whistled.

"Ares! Pepper! Come on, let's go!" Jase laughed when the dogs came running.

Dan started laughing as the dogs ran around the horses and the horses seemed to love having them there.

"This place really is amazing Jase. And you named the other dog Pepper? I'm glad to see you still remember him."

Jase chuckled and lead them through the maingate.

"I do. How could I not?" Jase grinned at Kaidan, pondering on telling him how they actually got this place and why. "He changed my life for the better. Ares is Saya's dog, if you were wondering. She found them on the Citadel."

"Before or after it was used as the catalyst?" Dan glanced at Jase as they rode.

"After," Jase answered softly. "Sakura and Terry, they're the only survivors of the shelter I had running on the Citadel. When Saya found the dogs, I was meeting with Terry and Kelly. They had taken care of Sakura and needed a place to stay."

Dan went silent, just enjoying the company of his ex for a few minutes.

"I missed you so much Jase."

"I missed you too, Kaidan. A lot." Jase fell silent, not trusting his voice for the moment. There was so much he wanted to say. He had thought he had lost him, that he was happy just to have him here now and was able to talk to him. That Saya's Kaidan had never really understood him apparently and there were differences of course too between Dan and Kaidan.

And then suddenly Jase needed to tell Dan something else. He even laughed softly when remembering. "I delivered a baby."

"*You*?? The guy who's squeamish at the sight of blood?" Dan looked at him in shock.

Jase laughed.

"Come on, I've been seeing a lot of blood, just can't stand the smell." He grinned. "Yeah, me. The couch in the living room? Saya's water broke on it. At first I thought she," Jase rolled his eyes a little bit, "you know... We were alone in our vacation cottage, hospital was busy with a huge accident and she sat there, having contractions. Managed to get her into her bedroom though." Jase chuckled again, scratching his head.

"Let's just say I got a few extra lessons on female anatomy. Something I am not fond of," he laughed, "and never considered reading a manual on how to deliver a baby."

"So did you deliver one or both of the twins?" Dan looked keenly interested now. "We never heard about any of this."

"Both," Jase smiled. Now it didn't seem to be so bad when he remembered it.

"Hilary came first, David was second. The family arrived just in time for David's arrival. That day I realized how easy it is to take a life but what it actually takes to create new life and bring it into this world."

"I'm proud of you, Jase. For everything you've done here." Dan responded in a quiet voice.

Jase nodded, giving Kaidan a gentle smile before while riding silently along. Eventually he turned the horses around, leading them back home.

"Pepper, Ares," he whistled quickly at their dogs and looked once again at Dan.

"Thanks Kaidan. I'm proud of you too, _Captain_ Alenko, Shadow Broker," he answered softly, not telling him how often he had thought of the man. "So, you and Hilary. How did that happen?" Jase eyed him, genuinely interested.

"It didn't happen until we got here to be honest. We met in our reality one...deadly...night. I saved her life. We became good friends after that and she was the only one who ever knew that I was the Shadow Broker. Even if Elaine tried to manipulate me. Then we got here and... it just kind of went further."

Jase nodded, listening to what he was telling him. He clicked with his tongue to keep the dogs close with them and took his time to find a good answer.

"Alright, a few things. First off, I'm glad you've found someone. I'd be lying to say it didn't hurt knowing, but. No, you deserve to be happy," Jase nodded at him and continued. "Thank you for saving her life. Jeff lost his sister to the Reapers and I was the one who had to tell him. She was just 15 years old in this reality," Jase sounded sad as he remembered the day.

"Elaine." Jase spoke the word with such venom and force he didn't need to say more. And yet since they arrived at home he felt indifferent again which made it easy for him to ignore the woman. Most feelings were cut off once again and only something like happiness was lingering around. Which was also why he didn't feel anything else than deep friendship towards Dan right now.

"Yeah... Elaine. I heard what she did to the other me here. Tried to make him a husk..."

"Yeah. Doc and Edi were working their asses off to get him back onto his feet. He's changed though. Kaidan's got more strength, even broke a datapad by accident."

"Ouch. Damn. How's he handling it then?"

Jase couldn't really say, he had to admit this. "I'm not sure. He's handling it _somehow_ ," he answered softly, shaking his head a bit. "The batarians implanted him a control chip without sedatives. Kaidan's been used by them to poison his wife. Then Saya was .. raped and," Jase blinked and stopped his horse.

Closing his eyes he listened to the waves to compose himself. Saya's rape was hurting deeply.

"Then Elaine comes along and messes him up. Saya came to me thinking Udina has... gotten her pregnant. It's Kaidan's though."

Dan closed his own eyes for a moment in silent pain for his double.

"Gods above..."

"Yeah," Jase agreed. "Yeah," Jase said softly again. "Come on, let's go home."

Dan chuckled a little bit to himself.

"It's been far too long since I've heard you say those words, Jase."

Jase grinned at him and chuckled softly. "Yeah. Feels good being able to say them again. If you and Hilary decide to live here, you're welcome to call it home too."

"I appreciate that, Jase. Thank you." Dan went quiet again.

Jase nodded and stayed silent for a bit, knowing Dan was thinking about something. "What's on your mind?"

"Oh, Jase, I wouldn't even know where to begin. That's how much is on my mind to be honest. Maybe too much."

"You've been through a lot in the past four years," Jase said. And it was a lot more than he had been through. "Tell you what, if it's something you don't want to discuss with Hilary, come and find me. How's that sound?"

Looking somewhat relieved, Dan smiled.

"You've got yourself a deal."

Jase smiled and fell silent for a while. When seeing the house he looked at Dan once again. "Thanks Kaidan. Thanks for coming to me and this talk. It means a lot to me."

Dan smiled at him a little and gave a nod.

There was a squeal somewhere and the dogs ran off, barking. Jeremy rounded the house and ran with the dogs, playing something like catch before he approached Jase.

"Mr. Shepard, Mr. Shepard! Can I ride with you?"

Jase chuckled softly and shrugged an apology at Dan before he leaned down to give Jeremy a hand.

"Sure. Come on up with you, sport."

"Yes! Thank you!"

And once again Jase shared his saddle with the boy.


	2. Chapter Two

###  In good times and in bad times

They had only been home a couple of days when Saya felt like all she could do was roll over in bed. She had no energy to get up and barely an appetite. Only when she felt the gentle hand on her forehead did she open her eyes slowly.

"Mmmh.... Kaidan?"

"Hey," Kaidan said softly. "You're very hot." He carefully knelt down next to her bedside to look at her better. "I think you're running a fever."

"Mmmhh.... explains why I don't feel so great. I'll be okay." She said the last three words only because he looked so worried. "I just need some rest, I promise."

Kaidan gently caressed her face, thinking back at when he had poisoned her without knowing. "Mmh, I'll go and bring you some hot soup and tea. Maybe some crackers too."

Saya smiled and patted his hand gently.

"Thanks sweetie. Are the babies okay?"

"Cleaned, bathed and dressed, happily babbling away and I'm sure they'll be hungry soon too."

"Alright, I'll come down soon to help. And don't argue with me, I want to."

Kaidan didn't argue, but he knew he'd fix them their food with someone's help and that Saya was probably asleep by the time he came back upstairs.

"Sure, if you feel you can."

"I'll be down soon, I promise. Give the twins a hug and kiss from me til I get there?"

"I will," Kaidan leaned down, giving her a kiss on the forehead. He didn't like her feeling so hot. Kaidan would get Dr. Chakwas to pay her a visit and check her over.

Miranda glanced up from what she was doing when she heard Kaidan coming down the stairs.

"Commander Alenko. I never got a chance to welcome you home. How are you feeling?"

"Miranda? Thank you. I'm.. uh.. fine, thank you. Again." Kaidan wasn't sure if he was fine or not, right now his worry was about Saya and her being so hot.

"Is there a problem, Commander? You seem unusually flustered..."

"My wife's down with a fever," Kaidan just told her and went into the kitchen, needing the tea, soup and crackers for Saya. He started with the crackers.

Miranda followed him, her curiosity now piqued.

"A fever? Do you think that it is from the pregnancy or from an illness?"

Kaidan got the water started for the tea, wishing people would leave him alone. But this was about Saya and important. "I don't know. I think an illness. She feels weak and hot."

Miranda kept her eyes on him, frowning at his back.

"What else besides your wife is troubling you, Kaidan." She hoped by using his name it would draw his attention to the fact that she was genuinely concerned.

Kaidan was silent for so long, he wasn't even sure if Miranda was still there or not when he turned around. And then he was silently rubbing his brow with closed eyes before he even said something.

"I am... having nightmares since three days. Not the kind which make me wake up and scream, mind you. I never.. do something like this anyway. But, it keeps me awake at night and my neck, it feels like it's on fire and there's this pain I feel from being... implanted.. again ."

"Why haven't you told anyone before now?" Miranda asked as she moved to him to look at the spot on the back of his neck.

"Because my wife needs me to be strong. And the twins need their daddy. Everyone else is happy to be back home, with Joker confined to his bed and the shelter Jase has enough to do."

Kaidan flinched a little as her hand moved close to it, it didn't hurt but someone touching him there again was unsettling.

"Your health and well-being are just as important as your wife's, Kaidan. You should talk to Dr. Chakwas, or Arlen. I am certain one of them could help you."

Kaidan sighed and busied himself with Saya's tea. "I will go and see Dr. Chakwas. I think I overheard Edi and Dr. Novak discussing a visit to the Citadel today. Dr. Novak himself is in need of a break too."

The metal box containing the crackers stood close by and Kaidan reached out to take it. When he opened the lid it suddenly folded into itself under his hands. Kaidan placed the box down and looked away.

"You're getting even stronger aren't you?" Miranda gently took his hand in hers. "Tell me the truth."

Kaidan was baffled why she was so touchy feely with him. If anyone would walk in they would even think he was having something with her.

"I'm having problems to control it when I'm tired, or when I feel a bit upset about something. I guess I should be lucky I haven't harmed my children yet."

Carefully he removed his hand from Miranda's. Last thing he needed was Saya thinking he was betraying her.

"My strength can spike if I'm not watching out for it. In a very careful and considerate way."

Miranda nodded thoughtfully.

"I'm going to do some digging. Maybe Tim was working on something similar on this side. If he was... maybe I can figure out how to undo it for you."

"To be honest Miranda, if you would find something to help me, I'd be very grateful. Watching my biotics is easy compared to watching and directing this strength."

"I'll see what I can find out Kaidan." Miranda smiled a little. "For now, you should check on your wife and perhaps get some rest yourself. I can help with the twins."

"Yes, I think this might be best for the moment," Kaidan agreed with her. While he really, nearly desperately, wanted to care for his children and hold them, it was painful to imagine hurting them without wanting it. How fast could he break an arm and cause more pain than just bruising Saya's wrist. And Saya wouldn't forgive him harming their babies.

With a sigh he rubbed his head. The thermos was filled with tea and kept warm, the cracker box half broken, he had time for a quick chat with Dr. Chakwas.

"You know, in this warm weather any fever feels a lot higher."

Kaidan nodded at this, gave Miranda a polite thank you smile and went past her, carefully trying not to bump into anything and entered the little med-bay.

"Dr. Chakwas?"

Chakwas looked over at the door.

"Commander Alenko. Good to see you."

"Thank you Dr. Chakwas, it's good to see you too," Kaidan walked to her and sat down with a sigh. Then he began telling her about Saya's condition.

"Hmmm sounds like one of the bugs the children picked up. I wouldn't worry. To be safe though I'll have a look at her later."

"Thank you, it certainly would put my mind at ease. Hilary and David were down with something? I didn't know," Kaidan nodded, feeling even relieved but worried his children had been sick. But how to talk to her about his own problem, it was a bit.. weird, at least.

"Dr. Chakwas, I …," Kaidan rubbed his head. He trusted her and she had always been there for the crew and them.

"Not just the twins. All the children had it. But - what else is it, Commander? There's obviously something else you would like to discuss. You do know you can tell me anything, right?"

Kaidan rubbed his face and nodded. "Yes. I'm having trouble sleeping Dr. Chakwas. I keep dreaming of being implanted again and Saya is .. there, watching. But she can't help me as she's already a slave herself."

Looking outside the window seemed to help to collect his thought.

"I don't scream when dreaming Dr. Chakwas. But every time I have these dreams my neck feels like on fire. My heart is racing and... I'm glad our bedroom has so many windows. There's no darkness around. I.. also noticed Saya sometimes doesn't seem to sleep. She's just lying there, so silent and quiet. I can tell she's crying."

Chakwas watched him.

"How long has this been going on Kaidan? Just since you've been back home?"

Kaidan wasn't sure if she meant his wife or himself. With a soft sigh he decided to answer for both of them.

"It … started on the Normandy, soon after they freed me. It wasn't as bad as it is now and after Elaine's game with my psyche and her other implant... As long as we were busy I was able to sleep fine, though. And Saya...," he shook his head, looking down. "This has been the worst. I'm a Spectre, still am if the Council wants me to. But there was nothing I could do and I know I should have stopped her going back to the slavers. She's... not sleeping right. Hasn't been since she's been freed from her implant. Saya's trying to be so strong and I think many believe she is fine, but I know she's …," Kaidan paused, rubbing his eyes and whispered, "broken."

Karin watched him with kind eyes.

"You've both been through so very much Kaidan. But we will all help you through this. As for your... phantom pain... it should pass soon. However if it doesn't, and I stress this very much, then we need to examine you once more."

"Thank you, Dr. Chakwas," Kaidan nodded and stood up. He had some things to think about now too. "I should go back to Saya, I made her some tea and bring her a few crackers."

"Don't forget to eat yourself, Commander. You have to take care of yourself as well."

Kaidan stopped and looked at her with something like surprise. "Uh, yes, of course. You're right Doctor. I will have something to eat before I go to my garden."

"Before you go, Commander... When exactly was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know, Dr. Chakwas. Sometimes I don't feel the need to eat at all. I think, yesterday morning."

"Kaidan... Promise me you will get something then? If you don't then you'll end up in here with me. Got it?"

Kaidan nodded and looked down. "Yes Dr. Chakwas. I promise. After I brought Saya her tea and crackers I will have a snack." Kaidan gave in. "And then I'll go and tend my garden."

Chakwas eyed him for a moment then sighed,

"Alright, Kaidan. I'm going to hold you to that. Off you go then."

Kaidan sighed in relief when the door closed behind him and he was able to get Saya's food upstairs.

Saya was sitting up on the bed when he returned, looking very pale.

"I was just about to come down..."

"Hey... Did you know all the children here were down with a bug? I guess you have caught it now too," Kaidan smiled a bit at her and sat down, pouring her a cup of tea. "To be honest, I think it would do you good if you stayed in bed and get better. I can take care of our babies."

"Now why doesn't that surprise me in the least. Bugs seem to like children for some reason." Saya gently sipped at the tea he handed her. "Mmmm that tastes good."

She frowned though when she saw the other item in his hand.

"Kaidan? What happened?"

"I accidently put too much pressure on it," Kaidan explained softly and continued, trying to joke a little bit. "At least I didn't crumble the crackers."

Moving her hand over his gently, Saya sighed softly.

"Aw sweetie. Are you alright?"

"Yes," Kaidan nodded and laid his arm a bit around her. "Miranda offered to help us with the twins and Dr. Chakwas might stop by to visit you."

"Alright." Saya mumbled around the cracker in her mouth. "If you're okay with it of course."

"I am, for as long as I'm working in my garden she can watch over them. Then they're coming back to daddy." Kaidan leaned over, giving her temple a tender kiss. "You're still feeling warm. I guess the temperature outside just fuels the fever."

"Oh it does." Saya forced herself to smile. "I think I'll have a nice cool bath later."

"Mmh," Kaidan murmured, not really understanding why a cool bath was helping her. "I think if I had a cool bath when having a fever I would become more sick than before," he grinned a bit and added. "You know what we need up here? A rocking chair."

"Maybe you should build one." Saya grinned at him.

Kaidan considered this and nodded several times. "You know, I might just try and do it. Maybe I should begin with a simple chair though," he teased her a bit.

"Tables, chairs... so many things you could make if you wanted to. And you are a very creative man, Kaidan Alenko."

Kaidan gave her another kiss as thank you, stood up and brought the twins over. "Mommy needs some cuddles from you," he told them before he looked at Saya again. "I only hope they won't get sick again."

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"Let's keep them away from me for a bit, Kaidan. If this is a bug I really don't want them to get it."

Kaidan eyed the babies in their carrier. "I might have already caught it too. I guess I should stay away from them as well." Kaidan picked them up to bring them down to Miranda. "I'll let you rest some more and join you for a nap in the afternoon."

"Okay... and Kaidan? Thank you." Saya smiled at him.

"Hey, no problem. I've got your back, as always." Kaidan caressed her hair gently before he left.

She watched him leave, a thoughtful expression on her face, before sleep claimed her once more.

  
  


Two days later in the middle of the night Kaidan woke up with a soft groan. He sat up and rubbed his face, massaging his neck carefully. Just like Dr. Chakwas had predicted, the phantom pain had lessened and was only a lingering presence now. As if the surrounding area still remembered the invasive trauma.

With a soft sigh Kaidan stood up and went to the bathroom.

The sound and feel of the rushing water felt soothing as Kaidan washed his hands. Before shutting it off he let the cool water run over his wrists for a little while before he splashed some onto his face. The room was dark and he hadn't bothered turning on any lights as he rubbed his neck thoughtfully with the cool wet hand. The sleeping shirt was all sweaty tonight and he took it off, letting it drop into the hamper. Kaidan went back to their bed and sat down on it. A minute went by, then another few minutes as he just sat there, head bowed and half asleep.

Having been feigning sleep, Saya listened as her husband slowly came back to bed but just sat there. Slowly she reached over and gently touched his back.

"Kaidan?" She whispered, not wanting to wake the babies.

Kaidan's head moved up, as if he was looking out of the window. "Hey," he whispered, "did I wake you?"

"No sweetie, I was awake. Are you alright? It's rare that you get up in the middle of the night..."

"Unless one of our babies needs a diaper change, yes. I'm sleeping right through the night." Kaidan sighed softly and laid back down, getting closer to her. "I keep dreaming of being implanted," he confessed softly.

Saya reached up and gently stroked his hair.

"I wish I could make those dreams go away for you. I really wish I could, Kaidan. I never told you... they sent me a recording of your screams when they put that chip in you."

"What?" Kaidan whispered, horrified Saya had been forced to listen to it. He closed his eyes and just lay there for a minute. "I tried not to scream. I ... _am_ sorry you had to hear it."

"Kaidan, that's not my point. My *point* is that they used you to get to me. You got implanted because of *me*. And you have no idea how sorry I am for that."

Kaidan turned onto his side to face her. As dark as it was, he was glad they were talking in the night.

"Saya, I could have chosen to send you a message, have you come and.. Either way, instead I agreed to stay with them to protect you."

Closing her eyes, Saya sighed softly.

"Kaidan... they were using you. Message or chip... their plan was to lure me to them. They knew I would come for you no matter who I had to kill."

Kaidan wasn't saying anything for a while, just laying there and blinking from time to time. The consequences of his decision, in the end, it hadn't even been one? Played with, used as bait to lure Saya in. He reached out, trying to find her hand as he couldn't bring himself to tell her more of the dream.

Lying there in silence, Saya let him hold her hand tightly. She knew that what she had said had hit him hard, but also that he needed to know the truth.

Kaidan moved eventually a little bit and sighed. "Saya, can I hold you?"

"Of course you can - Kaidan you never, ever, have to ask if you can or not."

He didn't comment on it or that often Kaidan still didn't know if his touches would startle her or not. Kaidan moved close and sighed once again when Saya laid in his arms. Even with her hair tickling his nose, he enjoyed it.

"Saya? Why were you awake?" Kaidan asked softly after a while.

"I don't suppose you would accept the answer of 'I just was' would you?"

"Mmh, no. Not really." Kaidan answered truthfully and gave her head a kiss. He wanted to give her the chance to tell him on her own terms.

"Well damn. Here I was hoping you'd take the easy answer... I don't sleep well anymore."

"I.. uh.. know," Kaidan whispered to her. "I picked up on it some time ago. But I wanted you to tell me when you feel like, well, telling me."

Irimsaya went quiet, a thousand thoughts running through her mind. She wanted to tell him everything but something was stopping her. Closing her eyes, Saya silently snuggled against him.

"I don't even know where to start Kaidan." She whispered, her voice shaking.

"Whenever you're ready, and whatever you feel you want to tell me. I'm here for you Saya." Kaidan thought he was a lucky man, still being able to make her feel safe. "I wouldn't know where to start myself. What they did to me, to you, to us." Kaidan closed his eyes and sighed. "We're in this together, we'll get through this together."

"I don't know what I would do or where I would be without you." Saya admitted quietly.

Kaidan had a few thoughts about this. Like that they're soldiers and bad experiences caused them to become even tighter.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere without you."

For a moment the memories came back of the time when he was alone and Saya was being rebuilt. Instead of mentioning it he kissed her forehead and noted her fever was gone.

Saya snuggled in as close as she could get to him.

"I...I can't talk about it right now."

Kaidan rubbed her back gently and stifled a yawn. "You don't have to," he whispered sleepily before falling into a light slumber.

  
  


Jase slowly closed their bedroom door and balanced the tray of food carefully to Jeff's bedside where he placed it down. There was a frown on Jase's face as he'd just heard another whispered insult hurled at him by Ian. Who obviously made sure no one else was around to witness it.

Joker's eyes were on his mate.

"You're frowning... whassup?"

Jase considered not telling Jeff, but the man was bored enough. "Ian. He's a homophobe hurling insults at me." Jase didn't mention they were directed at Jeff mostly. "Usually people lay off me when ignored, doesn't work with him."

"Ooookay... Any idea why?" Joker was a bit unnerved to see his mate like this.

Jase snorted a bit and got Jeff's little self made table ready so he could eat.

"People can be assholes Jeff. On the Citadel I overheard a woman. Her parents cut her off when she married an asari." Jase carefully sat down and looked at him. "Must be the name."

"Ah but you're making an assumption. What if there is another reason?" Joker found himself eying the tray now.

Jase knew where he was looking at and grinned. First spoon made it to Jeff's mouth, causing Jase nearly to purr.

"Another reason is he's looking for trouble. To rile me up. It's our house and he's a guest. He does that when no one else is around. My word against his. Everyone knows I never wanted Elaine to be here."

"You're not the only one who didn't want her here." Joker mumbled around the food he was chewing.

"Mh. Glad someone agrees with me." Jase smiled a little at this and kept quiet, letting Jeff eat his lunch before they'd talk more.

Joker let out a contented sigh as he swallowed the last bit of food Jase had brought him.

"Damn that was good."

"Glad you liked it. How's the hand feeling today?" Jase asked as he busied himself to clean up quick, wanting to carefully cuddle up with him on their bed.

"To be honest everything feels a bit better. It's nice not wanting to scream every time I move."

Jase nodded and got comfortable on the bed. Before the kids came back from their school he wanted to stay a bit with him. "Yeah. Or when I touch you."

Joker let out a deep sigh.

"Yeah that too."

Jase looked at him and laid his hand under Jeff's. "Still feeling sorry for that," Jase said, thinking of when he accidently hurt him. Then his mind was wandering back to Ian. "I'm surprised you agree with me about Elaine."

"I know she's Kaidan's sister and everything... but there's something about her I just don't like. I don't trust her."

Jase nodded. "Yeah. I can't read her. Body language, expression, all closed off and controlled."

"Guess it comes from being the head of Cerberus. Maybe that's why I don't trust her..."

Jase nodded once again. "Makes sense for you. I hate her."

"Tell me why, Jase. I want to understand."

"For what she did." Jase simply said and looked at Jeff. "You want a more .. complex.. explanation, huh. Alright," he sighed. "For what she did to me, to Kaidan, to Dan, causing the deaths of millions of people."

"There was no way she could have known what would happen though..." Joker looked at Jase.

"No, she couldn't have known," Jase agreed with him. But there was a bit more to it. If she hadn't meddled with his life Saya would never have met his Udina. "It's not just that, if she hadn't messed around Saya wouldn't have met Udina. But I was too late that day, to stop him in time." 

Jase sighed deeply and rubbed his right eye. Then he did something unusual by asking Jeff, "What do you suggest I should do. Let it go?"

Slowly, Joker shook his head no.

"Personally, I think a little suspicion is always healthy."

"Alright," Jase said softly. "I'll keep that in mind." He grinned at him a little, letting him know it was meant as a gentle tease instead of dismissing it or anything else. "I saw Hilary building sandcastles the other day."

"Sandcastles? Really? Didn't know she had it in her." Joker was smiling.

"Yeah, there are quite a few at the beach now." Jase leaned over to give his cheek a soft kiss.

"I don't suppose she's teaching the kids how to do them is she?" Joker leaned his head against Jase's.

"It looked like she's doing it to work through a few issues." Jase closed his eyes, enjoying the contact he had with Jeff, even if it was so little.

"You know something... lying here like this with you... it's nice."

"Agreed. Peaceful, no one's shooting at us," Jase answered softly. "Just you and me." Jase sighed softly and nuzzled his hair a bit. "Haven't felt this peaceful in years."

Joker started to grin even more.

"Years? Really? What am I... chopped liver?"

Jase opened his eyes and grinned at him. "If it tastes good," he winked at him. "Last time I remember feeling like this was with you lying at the pools, on the Citadel. We fell asleep there." And then Ash came along with their chick squad.

"Mhh yes... that was definitely a nice moment."

Jase closed his eyes once again. "Mmh," he agreed in a murmur. "Been feeling like this ever since we came back. There are just a few worries left. You, Saya, Elaine and Ian." Jase said and added, "Dan and I seem to be fine now too."

Joker sighed at that. He was still worried that Jase had feelings for that other Kaidan but he couldn't voice them again.

"Glad to hear it."

"Dan's with your sister, they're happy." Jase knew exactly it was a touchy subject. "Jeff. Do you trust me?"

"You know I do Jase. If I didn't I would have told you. Promise."

"Glad to hear," Jase nodded at this. "I'm happy with you. Content happy, peaceful happy. Happy happy. To say it with your words," he whispered, giving his face a gentle peck.

"Same here. Totally same here." Joker let his eyes slide shut though he wasn't asleep.

Jase fell silent, feeling so content and peaceful inside he thought it was very unusual for him. But he liked it. A lot.

"We're getting a new child tomorrow, still nearly a baby. A little girl, she looks like your sister when she was little. Her name's Kim."

"I'll never be able to keep all the names straight - you do know that right?" Joker was only half-joking.

Jase wanted to answer when there was a knock on their door and then it burst open. Jeremy came half bouncing inside, followed by Sakura and Kai. Jase sat up, glad they hadn't been doing anything else and made a mental note to talk to the kids about bursting into rooms.

"Mr. Shepard, Mr. Pilot, we have something for you," Jeremy said and Jase saw he wasn't the person of interest at all. All three kids were looking at Jeff.

"We made these for you, Mr. Pilot." Jeremy held up a few pencil drawings. "We thought it might cheer you up and helps you to get better soon."

Joker actually felt tears pricking his eyes as he looked at the children and the gifts they bore.

"I...wow... thanks guys! Those pictures are *awesome*."

Jeremy beamed with pride, going all quiet.

Jase grinned at the kids, seeing that Sakura was half hiding behind the boy on one side and Kai on the other.

"You are welcome. We like you, Mr. Pilot," Sakura said in her soft quiet voice.

Jase was surprised about Sakura saying something and he smiled at her.

"Well Sakura - I like you guys too. And tell you what. Since you did all this for me, I think you've earned the right to call me Joker. What do ya say?"

Jase nearly laughed when the three kids looked at each other, as if silently agreeing and chorused a round of thanks.

"Alright, well done kids. How about you do your homework and we'll do something for fun later? Like hitting the pool?"

"Yay, yes!" Came the answers and the small group left the room as quick as they had entered it.

Mitzie suddenly jumped up onto the bed and walked towards Jeff, curling up in his lap.

Jase looked at Jeff and caressed his hair then a bit. "Well. That was a nice surprise."

"Hmmm so you're telling me you had *nothing* to do with that?" Joker was smirking at him.

"Of course not," Jase answered and grinned even more. "They like you."

"Well I am an incredibly likable guy..." Joker teased him.

"Extremely likable guy," Jase teased back, studying the pictures. "Safe to say this shows you at your shuttle," he pointed out one pictures of the three.

"Yeah... my shuttle...." Joker sighed deeply.

"You'll fly again." Jase looked at him in understanding. "Any word on how long you have to stay put?"

"No. There's no word yet. Actually I haven't seen Arlen in a while. Any word on him?"

"He's on the Citadel with Edi," Jase answered softly and kissed the side of his face. "Said something about helping to rebuild a clinic. Dr. Chakwas hasn't given you any details yet?"

Joker just looked at him.

"Don't you think if she had that I would have told you?"

"You would," Jase answered softly and let his hand slip under the cover, carefully letting it trail along his stomach. "I know you would. Need anything? Aside of leaving this room."

"If you keep that up I'll need something else."

Jase just smirked at him, having exactly this in mind. "Wouldn't mind helping you with that."

Joker fell silent then eyed him.

"You planned this to happen... you evil evil man..."

Jase stared at him then burst out laughing. "Yes! What gave me away?" He gently removed his hand, got off their bed and went to their bedroom door.

"Better lock this one before someone else walks in."

"You're just full of good ideas..."

"Am I," Jase grinned, chuckling softly again. "I am, huh," he said as he sat down on the bed once again and moved close to Jeff. "A little voice tells me you don't mind at all. What do you say," Jase's hand was sneaking below the cover again. "Let me take care of you and then we find your presents a good place on the wall."

"Oooooh alright. You can do what you will to me." Joker was grinning.

"Nice," Jase just commented with a grin and went to 'work'.


	3. Chapter Three

Saya sat up in their bed and looked around. She could have sworn that someone had called her name. But nobody was there. It shook her for a moment then she stood and went to their bathroom to splash some water on her face.

On their bed was a note from Kaidan,

_ "Am outside, working in the garden. Have the twins with me. _

_ Love, Kaidan" _

  
  


Smiling as she read it, after finishing in the bathroom, Saya gently placed the paper on her nightstand. Something still didn't feel quite right. Shaking it off, she got dressed in one of her light sundresses and went down to see what was going on.

The twins were in their bed, babbling softly at each other with a curious Kai looking into the bed. Ares was laying on the porch, keeping an eye on everything. The ears perked up when he heard Saya's footsteps and he got up, walking over to her.

Kaidan was looking at Dan, working with him together in their garden.

"To be honest, I would like to add some garden beds. The more people we have the more food we need."

"Sounds like a damned good idea actually." Dan replied then looked up at the porch when Saya came out. "Hmmm... I can see why you married her..."

He felt a bit caught off guard with this remark and had to remind himself he was talking to his other self. Kaidan then looked over at Saya and smiled.

"She is beautiful."

"You're a lucky man.... brother." Dan smiled at his other self.

Kaidan took his eyes off his wife and looked at Dan, wanting to say it was much more than just her beauty, as she was a Shepard too. But he didn't, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"Yes, I am. And I'm very grateful for what I have. Your girlfriend is very beautiful too, and smart."

Dan chuckled softly.

"That she is... that she is."

Kaidan smiled at him and stood up, brushing his hands off and walked to his wife.

"Hey. You look beautiful in your dress," he said softly and gave her a kiss.

Saya leaned into him and his gentle kiss.

"And you look handsome all covered with dirt." She turned her head to look at him, enjoying that she could tease him.

Kaidan looked down at himself and chuckled, a bit embarrassed. But he was enjoying the attention he got from her. "I could go and wash it off in the ocean," Kaidan grinned and asked softly, "Have you had a good nap?"

She knew her face closed up at his question, but Saya couldn't help it.

"No... not really..."

Kaidan nodded and leaned in, carefully giving her a half hug without getting her dirty. He knew in time it should get better, the question was for how long. Kaidan knew it could take months for both of them.

"I would ask you to ride out with me," Kaidan said and looked down at her stomach, whispering, "but I know you shouldn't ride when pregnant. Maybe we can borrow the shuttle and fly someplace nice."

"Not sure that's a good idea either sweetie. Junior seems to be a tad... excited today." Saya patted her stomach gently.

"Another time then maybe." Kaidan nodded, smiling and was surprised at her calling the wee one Junior. "Junior? Do we know the gender?" Kaidan asked her gently.

"Nope we don't. It just needed something other than 'the baby'." Saya tried not to giggle.

Kaidan chuckled softly. "Junior sounds very good to me. Maybe it is a boy and trying to learn from his mom on how to fend off any attackers," he teased her gently. "Would you like to do something else?"

"Actually just watching you in the garden sounds relaxing to be honest." Saya hid her grin. "Especially since you're wearing practically nothing."

There was a bit of color creeping up his cheeks and he grinned.

"Hey," Jase left the house, greeting Saya and Kaidan and went straight to the babies and Kai.

Kaidan watched his brother in law and couldn't hide the amusement when Jase picked up one baby and entertained it.

"Imagine what he'd do if he had one of his own," he whispered to Saya. "Well, Dan and I were planning on enhancing our garden. I think you'll enjoy watching both of us," Kaidan teased.

Saya bit her lip, watching her brother for a moment then looked at Kaidan again.

"Sweetie... we need to talk at some point..."

Kaidan knew right away that there was something important she had to tell him. He nearly feared it was something bad and worry showed on his face.

Saya saw his look and shook her head.

"Oh sweetie no, please don't worry. Everything's fine, I promise. It's just something I want to talk to you about."

Kaidan nodded, thinking ever since their last mission he was easily spooked and shouldn't be like this. "Okay, then maybe we can sit at the beach and watch the sunset later?"

"Now *that* sounds like a wonderful plan."

Kaidan smiled at this and gave her a kiss. "Then we have a date."

Hilary came from one of the houses and looked at the group. Then she sighed. "I am all sweaty but the house is clean and sparkly." Hilary went to Dan and knelt down next to him, whispering, "At least we have some wind and it's cooling me down a little bit. What are you working on Kaidan? I'm all dirty anyway, I could help you."

Jase was playing with little Hilary, tossing her up into the air making her squeal.

Jeremy ran out of the house and skidded to a halt next to the twins bed. He peered into it and picked up David, hugging him gently. He looked at Jase with big eyes as he hadn't forgotten about the pool promise.

"Mr. Shepard, can we go to the pool now?"

Jase gently held Hilary in his arms now, kissing her forehead and made funny faces before he looked at Jeremy. "Homework all done?"

"Yes sir," came the prompt answer. "Could Mr. Joker help me tomorrow with math? I have another test soon."

"Sure thing sport, I'll ask him. How about you take lead? Round up your squad, have them all changed into their bathing suits, let each take a towel and meet me at the pool, in ten minutes sharp."

"Yes sir," Jeremy replied again and was looking around where to place David. He looked at Saya and walked over to her. "Mrs. Captain? Your son. He is very lovely but I have orders to follow."

Gently, Saya took her son into her arms and smiled at the young boy who had recently held him.

"And you take your orders very seriously don't you?"

"Yes Mrs. Captain," Jeremy answered truthfully. Yet he knew it was something like a game he and Jase liked to play, but he enjoyed it for various reasons. "Would you like to join us in the pool?"

"Well I think I just might do that young Jeremy. Thank you for your kind offer." Saya put a gentle hand on his head. "But you better hurry or you'll be disobeying your orders..."

"Yes ma'am," Jeremy beamed at her and hurried back inside, rounding up the others.

Jase walked over to her with a grin. "He's changed into a happy boy."

"I think he's just had some good influences. Like you." Saya turned to her brother.

Jase smiled at her. "Thanks. He used to be shy around kids and got bullied a lot. Now he's fond of your twins, Kai and Sakura."

"Well now he has people to protect. And having that responsibility changes even the youngest person."

Jase gave his sister another smile. "It does," but then he grew serious. "Would be nice if his father thought the same. He's in jail and refuses any contact. Doesn't even want to send or receive messages."

"What is it you're asking of me here Jase?"

Jase laid his arm around her shoulder. "Nothing. More a thank you. You've already saved a few souls by buying us this home. Tomorrow I'll pick up Kim, she's five. And there's Patrick. A 14 years old teenager I'm working on convincing to join. The people he stayed with tossed him out."

Jase was quiet then. From the first house came laughter as the kids came running out, carrying their towels and made a dash towards the pool.

"You know the rules," Jase hollered after them, grinning. "Guess we're late huh," he joked softly.

"Shepards are never late. You're already dressed for it. I don't know if I even have a swimsuit that'll fit anymore." She sighed softly.

"Suit from the vacation has gone missing?" Jase wondered.

"I don't fit it anymore. I'm not as big with one baby as I was with two. Or as small as I was without one at all."

Jase scratched his head. If there was something he was very grateful for, was that he never had any real problems with clothing. Buy something that fits and comfortable and practical; and he was fine. With something like dismay he remembered when he went shopping with Ashley for a bikini.

"Tell you what, how about I take you shopping. We try and find you a new one."

Saya took one look at his face then chuckled softly.

"Somehow I don't think you really want to do that do you?"

"You picked up on that, didn't you," Jase chuckled. "I'm willing to do it. As long as it means I get to swim in the pool with my sister. We picked out a nice wedding dress for you, after all."

"Yes we did didn't we...." Saya sighed contentedly then winced as the baby kicked. "Already? My you are going to be a feisty one aren't you..."

"It's growing as fast as the twins," Jase said, watching her small belly. Instead of going into the pool Jase sat down outside, with Saya and was watching the kids play.

"You don't have to stay with me you know. I think Jeremy wanted you in there with them." She put a hand on Jase's shoulder. "I'll be okay if you want to go."

Jase smiled at her, remaining thoughtful. Eventually he got up when the kids called him out. "Alright alright. You want some fun? You'll get fun," he laughed and hopped into the pool.

Laughing as she watched, Saya gently rubbed her belly.

  
  


Later, in the early evening Kaidan walked over to Saya and leaned in close. "If I remember our chat in the afternoon, I believe you and I have a date at the beach."

"Hmmm yes we do indeed my love." Saya looked at him. "And a conversation to have."

Kaidan nodded and took the little bag, which he had filled with two blankets, some snacks and something to drink. He still felt worried about the conversation, figuring Saya wanted to talk about something important. Instead to comment on it he offered her his arm for the walk and one of his killer smiles.

"Jase is caring for the twins, I think we have a few hours for ourselves."

"A few hours alone with you on a beach at sunset. Oh dear that could get complicated." She giggled mischievously.

Kaidan chuckled softly at this and kept wisely quiet about this topic.

Walking with him to the beach, Saya took his hand and squeezed it gently.

"I love you so much."

Kaidan smiled at this. "I love you too Saya. I'm very happy having you and our children in my life."

"So... where shall we sit?" Saya was watching him, trying to gauge his mood.

"Mmmh. How about we go over there," Kaidan nodded towards the group of trees which surrounded the stones. The area was offering some privacy but didn't hinder the view of the ocean. "It's a bit secluded and offers some protection from the breeze."

"Sounds like a plan, Commander." Saya headed that way. "You're still thinking like a military man sweetie. This is your vacation remember?"

"Erm..., yes, of course." Kaidan grinned a bit, watching her face as they rounded the stones. The 'corners' were filled with lamps of different sizes, the candles in them were bathing the stones into a soft glow. Kaidan got the blankets out of the bag and added them to the big blanket already lying on the beach and adjusted the cushions for Saya.

Saya was staring at the spot, the rather romantic spot that is.

"How long exactly have you planned this little outing of ours?" She asked suspiciously.

"Mmmh," Kaidan smirked a bit and held out his hand to help her sit down. "Ever since we got married."

Carefully she sat down with his help and looked up at him, her face full of love and devotion.

"I don't know what I would do without you."

Kaidan sat down next to her and laid his arm around her. "Would you believe me if I told you the same? I'd be lost without you."

"I would absolutely believe it." Saya replied as she snuggled in against his side.

Kaidan smiled and was watching the ocean with her for some time. "Sometimes I can't believe you found this place. Coming here, to our home, is like... No, it feels like walking into a healing area, a dream. A good one, that is."

"Well I would certainly hope being with your wife is a good dream." Saya chuckled softly then bit her lip. "Kaidan... I made an offer to Jase but I want to okay it with you before I commit."

Kaidan chuckled softly and nodded. "I can't think of any better dream. An offer to Jase? What kind of offer?"

"He... he and Joker want to have a child, Kaidan. But neither of them have the womb needed..." She trailed off, hoping he would realize what her thought was.

"Uh...," Kaidan looked at her and thought about it. It dawned on him on what she was saying. "Wait. Wait a moment. You're calling yourself a womb?" Kaidan scratched his left brow, having to think about this.

"Well.. I guess in a way I am." Saya laughed weakly. "Kaidan, they need a woman to carry the child. I thought maybe after this one is born..."

"You would offer them to carry out their baby," Kaidan nodded. It was weird. Thinking of her carrying someone else's baby. "Alright... In a way he is you and you are him... You really want to do this for them?"

"I wouldn't want a stranger doing it, Kaidan. Who knows what someone else might demand of them. Another person might even keep the child for themselves. I can't let that happen."

"Mmh, you're right. I never thought about this before since you and I can have babies as we want to and see it fit. And if you carry it, knowing you, you'll be like a mother for it too." Kaidan looked at her, joking a bit, "As long as you don't have to sleep with them....," he nudged her a bit, joking. "Saya, it's your body. If you feel you can do it and it won't affect your health I'll be alright with it." But there was also a slight frown on his face as Kaidan found it weird to imagine her carrying another man's child. Well, rather two men's baby.

Saya shook her head, her lips pressing together.

"No Kaidan. This isn't just my choice. This is *our* life, not just mine. I want to make sure you're okay with all this."

"I'm okay with this. It just feels weird thinking of you carrying someone else's baby. I guess I should be glad it's just from another you and stays close to us. I would hate seeing you heartbroken about having to give the baby away and never really see it again."

"Trust me, Kaidan. If it was anyone else it would have definitely been a no right from the get-go."

Kaidan grinned at her slowly and nodded. "Okay, we're going to have another baby from another you. And Joker."

"Oh Kaidan, thank you!" Saya nearly tackled him onto the blanket in her glee.

Kaidan grinned, surprised it was this important to her. It still felt weird, but considering the fact that it was another Shepard and one he would have loved too, it made a weird kind of sense.

"Uhm," Kaidan chuckled, "no problem. It's like you're having another baby from, well, yourself."

Saya shut him up with a long, lingering kiss.

Kaidan smiled into the kiss and gently deepened it a bit, trying to see if she was going with it or if it was disturbing her.

Groaning, Saya reached up to his head and held him there.

Which caused a soft moan coming from Kaidan and his one hand was now sneaking unter Saya's dress.

Saya pulled back a bit and put her hand over his on her dress strap.

"Kaidan...."

Kaidan opened his eyes and pulled carefully back as well. "Mh? Saya?"

"I uh... on the beach? Are you sure about this?"

Kaidan grinned a bit and nodded then. "I am. I requested some.. private time with you on the beach."

He didn't tell her a few other facts, like that his twin apparently had become more open minded as far as he had overheard him, nor that Jase had invited everyone upstairs to play some billiard and the kids were watching vids with Jeff.

"I'm sure, if you're sure about it."

"Of course I'm sure. I'm with you. Just be careful of the baby..."

Kaidan smiled and laid his hand onto the little baby belly. "I'll be careful with Junior. We managed it with the twins, we'll manage it with Junior here too."

"Hmm promise?" Saya was gently stroking his face.

"I promise and swear," Kaidan said, not joking at all. "If you think it'll hurt Junior we'll stop. I don't want to lose our baby," he told her softly.

"Neither do I." She whispered then kissed him again.

Kaidan smiled, feeling a tad nervous but he wanted to do this for Saya. The little area felt safe too and he couldn't think of a better, more romantic, outdoor place.

  
  
  


About two weeks later Kaidan woke up from his afternoon nap, hearing a heated argument coming from the porch below their bedroom window. Obviously Jase and Ian had taken it off to the side of the house in the vain hope of no one overhearing them.

Kaidan moved to the window to figure out what it was about, as he heard Jase say, "You're a homophobic asshole. I've had enough! This stops now or I'll kick your sorry ass out of this house!"

The answer he heard from Ian made him gasp.

"What's it like putting your dick into brittle places where the sun doesn't shine? Can you hear the crunch of bones? Hear them snap? Does your fag pilot know..." That was as far as Ian came. The next Kaidan heard were the unmistaken sounds of fists flying.

Kaidan jumped into his shorts to get down there as fast as possible.

Saya was working the rec room with a couple of the kids and she looked up when Kaidan rushed towards the stairs.

"Problem??"

Kaidan didn't want to say what and worry the kids, instead he nodded at her. "Follow me?" As soon as they were out of earshot he said, "Jase and Ian are having a punching match."

She looked at him in alarm.

"Get Dan and go. Use your biotics to separate them - I don't want either of you getting hurt."

Kaidan nodded. "Stay away, I don't want you or the baby getting hurt, okay?" Then he hurried off to get Dan, quickly explaining the situation. Kaidan didn't know who he was worried about more. Jase going all out or Ian taunting the man even more.

Dan looked over to the house, he had been playing chess with Jeremy, but when he saw Kaidan motion to him Dan rushed over telling the boy to stay there. Once he reached Kaidan, Dan followed him.

  
  


The second his fist connected with Ian's jaw Jase knew it had been a mistake. He knew he could kill him if he wanted to, or cause some serious harm to the man. Over the past weeks he had ignored and had swallowed down the insults, especially towards Jeff. This time it was enough though. Ian had managed to get the better of him, strip down anything he'd been taught and Jase knew, it was wrong to attack the man. And yet it felt so good.

The fists were flying and Jase was a little bit surprised at how good Ian handled himself. Not as good as he as, well, probably ex-N7, but the man knew what to do. When Ian's fist connected with his left eye Jase grunted and realized he had fallen for a trick. A very old trick. Something he had forgotten about but now it was evident. Which just fueled Jase's anger.

" _You_!!"

This was the same man from the time back at the gang. The man who had gotten Nathan killed, caused by a lie Ian had spread around.

Jase growled, for a second seeing Nathan in front of him, how they killed him and his boyfriend's blood spilled all over Jase.

'And now he's here to do the same to Jeff,' Jase thought.

Before Jase could launch his next blow, he saw a flash and Kaidan hurled Ian away from him. Jase felt himself being trapped and couldn't move. A bubble. He tried to turn his head to see who else was there but couldn't.

'Stasis,' he thought.

Kaidan turned Ian onto his belly and knelt onto his back. "If I were you I wouldn't try to move," Kaidan warned, ready to throw him into a stasis too. Or toss him, or do something worse.

Ian grunted, surprised at Kaidan's strength. The Kaidan he knew was nowhere near this powerful. He smiled a little at the man on top of him then kneed him as hard as he could where it would most hurt the man - right between his legs.

Dan watched and winced in sympathy for his other self, but he couldn't risk dividing his attention between both Jase and Ian, not if he wanted the stasis field to remain intact.

Kaidan saw and felt white searing pain spreading out in his groin. He reacted, throwing a biotic skill at his attacker, hurling him across the porch before he laid still writhing in pain, trying to get his bearings.

Jase was screaming in his mind, wanting the stasis to end and tried to break free of it.

Hilary was confused for a moment as she joined, not really realizing which Kaidan was hers that had gotten punched between the legs. It set off her instinct to protect and she raced towards Ian and threw a dose of overload onto him. Hilary briefly wondered if she should freeze him.

A commanding voice raised over the group.

"ENOUGH!" Saya yelled at them, dropping into her command mode. "What the HELL is going on here?!"

Hilary looked at Saya, totally surprised.

Kaidan suppressed a groan, knowing this was going to hurt for a while. The only one who should tell Saya about it should be either Ian or Jase, Kaidan figured.

Jase dropped to the ground when the stasis broke and gasped softly before he slowly got onto his knees.

"He's a homophobic asshole," Jase said and had to pause to catch his breath. "Ian's insulting Jeff left and right whenever he can."

"I will deal with that. As for right now... if we were on the Normandy you would all be in the BRIG. I am NOT impressed with this behaviour, ESPECIALLY around the children! There are better ways to deal with this!" Saya looked pointedly at Jase. "And you damned well know that mister! The lot of you - go get cleaned up. As for the instigator," and this time she turned her glare to Ian, "you're coming with me. Now."

Jase wanted to say 'yes mom,' instead he went for the more official route, knowing she was right and he knew it too.

"Yes Captain," he answered and got onto his feet, walking back into the house, past a scared looking Jeremy. And Patrick was there too, watching him with open curiosity. Jase sighed a bit before he spoke up.

"Jeremy, I'm alright. We're alright."

Jeremy nodded at him, eyes still big.

Jase then looked at Patrick. Fourteen year old teenager and having his very own problems. "Patrick, this isn't how we're supposed to deal with this, got it. It was wrong, I made a mistake."

"Uhm, okay. If..," Patrick started but Jase cut him off.

"No ifs, no buts on this one. It's wrong. We'll talk later about this, buddy."

Jase walked off into the house.

Kaidan was on his feet, trying not to move too much and was watching Saya and Ian.

Saya was breathing hard as she stared at Ian.

"You will start to learn some respect for everyone at this house. If you can't follow that rule then you can go somewhere else. If I hear of you bothering my brother and his husband again the next fight you have will be with me. And I'm not an engineer or biotic. I'm a SOLDIER."

Ian had a sneer on his lips but kept it in check. Instead he stared her into her eyes, holding the gaze for some time. Eventually he nodded, giving in for the moment.

Kaidan came and stood at Saya's side, a bit behind her and was watching the man.

Her eyes never strayed from Ian's.

"When it comes to my friends and family... the people who depend on me... I do not back down. Do I make myself clear? And if you touch any of them again - I'll break your arm. And that is not an idle threat."

That little speech caused a thoughtful expression, for the split of a second.

"Sure," was the only thing he said, acknowledging it.

Saya narrowed her eyes at him and watched him walk away before she turned to her husband.

"You should be in there with the others getting looked at by Chakwas."

Kaidan looked at her, completely surprised. "Ah... I think a bit of cooling might help." Letting the Doctor look at his family jewels was not something he wanted.

"Mmmh... if that's what you think." Saya was not happy. None of this should have happened at all. The fact that it did meant it could happen again - and that was a thought she did not relish.

Kaidan sighed, "I will go to her, for you. I overheard some of it. What he said to Jase wasn't pretty."

"After you see her can you arrange a meeting of all adults on the premises for me?"

"I will," Kaidan answered and looked at her. "Hey, come here. You look like you could use a hug."

Saya quite willingly went into his arms and he could feel her shaking a bit from the adrenaline rush she'd used to get to them so fast.

Kaidan held her close for a while and gave her a kiss before he let go of her. As promised he paid Doctor Chakwas a visit and informed the adults about the meeting.

Jase wasn't happy about this at all. After he had cleaned up he sighed at his reflection in the mirror. It shouldn't have come to this and he sure as hell didn't want to discuss this matter in the open, nor explain why he'd lost it.

"You defended Jeff, that's why," he said softly to himself. But it also posed another problem. The kids were supposed to feel safe and secure here. Now it didn't look like this at all.

Saya rubbed her forehead, trying to ease the tension headache that was building. None of this should have happened. She was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Jase hadn't told Jeff anything, aside of the worry he had shared with him about more than two weeks ago. With Dan's help he brought Jeff downstairs to their meeting. Wordlessly he nodded his thanks at Dan and sat down. For a moment he wanted to take his hand into his, but didn't go for it, not wanting to give Ian more reason for more insults.

Hilary joined up soon and went to Dan. She saw Dr. Chakwas, Kelly and Terry had joined. Miranda was walking towards them, behind her followed Elaine and Ian.

Kaidan came over and sat down next to Saya, trying not to wince.

Mary and Kevin did not join as they were watching over the twins and kept an eye on the older children with Liam's help.

Jase glanced at Jeff. He couldn't help but wonder what his husband would have to say to this.

"Alright is everyone here?" Saya looked around the table then nodded. "Good. Now, you are all aware that an altercation happened earlier involving my brother and that man." With that she pointed to Ian. "What I want to know is why. But that can wait. More importantly, this should not have happened like this. Not with the children here."

Standing up, Saya slowly walked around the table, meeting everyone's eyes.

"I will not tolerate this sort of behaviour in MY house. If you have a problem with someone then you come to me. If you have bad opinions about something - then keep them to yourself." She pointedly looked at Ian. "You don't like it here - there's the door. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out."

Jase was watching Ian, aware of Jeff looking at him. He was ashamed, even more about the fact that nothing between Ian and himself had changed in all those years. They were older, adults, and still they were at each other's throats.

Jase remembered the time when Ian had looked up to him. The time when they were still kids and the boy kept close, despite the nastiness he'd shown towards him, some days more, some days less. Despite everything they had been something like friends. Ian kind of had helped him to find Pepper.

Until the day the gang had thrown some creds together and had rented their favorite hooker. For his 16th birthday. As a present. And Jase hadn't touched her, had kept his distance. It had been funny. She wanted him to touch her breasts and Jase had outright refused. While others played around, figuring themselves out, he never had the urge or curiosity to try it out. Maybe it was of what he had seen at his last foster home. Or maybe the reason lay partly in his search for a motherly face in every woman.

The friendly hooker had figured him out in no time and had written down an address of her friend. Which he couldn't read. She had to give him directions and reassured him he was not sick, not even close to it.

Jase grinned a bit, remembering how the guys asked him about their present. He had just shrugged and told them, 'Sorry. Should have been a male hooker, guys.'

They had been fine, most of them. Only Ian hadn't been. Jase still felt the sting of the teen's blow landing on his jaw. Only it was from today's fight instead of many years ago.

"I never made a pass at you, Ian. I don't know why you suddenly began hating me for who I am," Jase addressed Ian out of the blue.

Saya fell silent, wondering how this would play out. She kept her eyes on Joker though just in case something was said that hurt him as well.

"You want to know?? Do you really??" Ian sneered at him. "Maybe it's *because* you NEVER made a pass at me."

Jase snorted at this a bit and shook his head. He felt a bit too exposed to discuss these things in front of so many people.

"Ian. There were never any signs," he just said, remembering the time when he had thought Ian was after the 'hot chicks' as the teen had used to call them.

Kaidan raised his eyebrows a bit, watching the exchange.

"Ian and I go way back. We were in the same gang on earth," Jase explained, knowing they needed to know.

"Never showed any signs my ass." Ian muttered under his breath.

"Alright, that's enough you two." Saya interrupted, seeing Joker looking uncomfortable. "Thank you for telling us about your past Jase."

Jase bit his tongue, not wanting to give away more.

Hilary looked from Elaine to her brother, wondering what Elaine and Ian were. She had always thought they were a pair but obviously she had been wrong. Now she was worried about Jeff being dragged out like this and being forced to hear the discussion of these details.

"Ian, I'm sorry I hit you," Jase said, refusing to add any buts or ifs. He had told Patrick not to do it and knew he couldn't do it either. Their past was that, the past.

Ian snorted but that was the only response he gave Jase.

"Alright." Saya interrupted. "Biggest rule I have in this house is no fighting. The next person who breaks that rule gets to clean out the barn - alone."

Jase grinned inwardly, knowing what kind of work was involved with this. "Got it."

Kaidan nodded at Saya's side and saw his twin doing the same.

"Alright. As long as everyone understands that then we'll be fine. One more thing though. If I hear of *anyone* putting down another member of this family or the people who live here - they will answer directly to me. And it will not be pretty. There's a reason I'm a Captain and it's not because I'm lenient. Am I understood?"

Hilary hadn't thought the Captain could be like this too, as she just had known her as a friendly person. She nodded her agreement.

Jase glanced at Jeff after he gave his sister a nod, agreeing with her.

Saya looked around the table, waiting to see everyone nod agreement which she did. That made her a little happier.

"Good. Thank you everyone. Meeting adjourned."

She stood up and hissed as a pain lanced through her belly.

So far everyone piled out, Jase remained sitting next to Jeff.

"Saya? What just happened? I heard you hiss," Kaidan asked worried.

"I'm sure it's nothing." But the pain came again and she whimpered a bit this time. "It's just all the excitement. And... I used my adrenaline boost to get the fight stopped..."

"I think it's better we go and see Karin about it."

Saya looked at him and saw his jaw was locked which meant there was no way she would win if she argued with him. Looking over she saw Jase and Joker watching them as well.

"Alright alright, I'm going."

"Thank you," Kaidan nodded and helped her along to get her to Dr. Chakwas.

Jase was watching her, feeling even more bad. He knew the stress caused by the nonsense he did had done possibly caused this.

"So now that we're alone." Joker looked at Jase. "You going to tell me why exactly you lost it with that moron?"

Jase sighed and looked away. "He's been insulting you."

"And you took offense to it. Well, sweetie, I do love you for defending me, but please just let it slide off your shoulders. I've done it all my life."

"I know. It's been going on for nearly three weeks. Today was the breaking point." Jase sighed again. "Damn it, Jeff," he said softly. "It's our home and house, he's a visitor and's insulting you, me and our marriage. We're supposed to live in peace here. In safety. All of us. He never even apologized for it." Jase snorted and shook his head.

"Okay, seriously Jase? You expected that man, who was sitting here with outright contempt on his face, to apologize to you?"

"Honestly? No," Jase replied. "It would have been ... nice though. He doesn't seem to have changed at all. Funny, to run into him here, of all the places."

"Mmmh... yeah. And what was with your sister? I've never seen her so.... authoritative before."

"Mph. I like it," Jase grinned a bit to himself. "She's pregnant. I've been downloading a book from the extra net. Looks like pregnant women become more protective and have the 'don't mess with me' attitude. I need to go and talk to her in a bit. First I have to see after Patrick. Must have been shocking for him to find out he's living with a homophobe. This is what pisses me off too. The shelter is supposed to give these kids a safe place."

"Can you hook up a portable terminal for me of some kind? I want to do some reading myself."

"Sure, can get on it as soon as possible. What do you have in mind?" Even if the day was a bad one, having Jeff with him downstairs was definitely some kind of highlight.

"Nah, nothing in particular but I'm getting bored upstairs alone."

"I'm sorry," Jase said right away. Despite him trying to be there as often as he could, with kids and without them, it just hadn't been enough. "Should have thought of this myself."

Joker shook his head and looked at his mate in surprise.

"Jase why would you have? You've been busy.. looking after me, the kids... I just.." He smiled a bit. "There are times when staring at the ceiling or cuddling just doesn't do it."

Jase returned the smile and nodded. "Yeah. I know. Cabin fever." Jase leaned over and gave him a kiss, needing the touch of love.

"Would you like to stay down here on the couch for a bit longer? If it doesn't hurt you, that is."

"Actually this couch is quite comfy. Wouldn't mind a movie or something... maybe even something to read..." Joker hinted, grinning.

Jase chuckled softly. "Alright. Your wish is my command." He stood up and chose Jeff's favourite movie and put it on before Jase hurried off to get him a real book, together with something to drink and a few snacks.

"All set, my King of the couch?" Jase teased him gently.

"Hmmm for now I think. I'll call you if I need something. For now, you're dismissed." Joker waved his hand in a somewhat kingly fashion, teasing Jase.

Jase tried hard not to laugh and bowed. "As you say, my king."

Joker giggled a bit.

"Okay now git - you're blocking my view with your handsome ass."

Jase grinned at this and made a show with his butt instead, walking out of the living room. First Patrick now, then Saya.


	4. Chapter Four

Nearly an hour later Jase went in search of his sister, sighing softly to himself on the way to her.

Irimsaya sighed as she tried to cook dinner, one hand on her stomach.

"Something's smelling good," Jase said as he walked over to her. "Need an extra hand?"

"You did what you had to do, Jase." Irimsaya replied in a quiet voice. "I don't think anyone could deny that. Hell I would have done the same thing. But someone here has to take a stand I guess. No matter who it hurts." And she started stroking her belly again.

"Thanks. It's been going on for weeks," Jase replied and narrowed his eyes as he was watching her. "What happened?"

"I used an adrenaline rush to get to you guys fast. Chakwas said... she said I could have lost the baby. I was lucky."

Jase was watching her, looking very disturbed now and feeling angry with himself. Saying sorry wouldn't even cut it.

"It won't happen again. Don't want you to lose the baby."

Saya looked back at the spaghetti she was trying to make.

"I've never been much of a cook..." she desperately needed to change the topic.

Jase got the hint and focused onto what she was doing. "It looks good," he nodded at her. "Isn't bad at all."

"Thanks." Irimsaya's voice was quiet.

Jase felt even more lousy now but kept it locked away. Instead he laid his arm around her shoulder for support. When the spaghetti were done he took the pot, carried it to the sink and finished them.

"Don't want you to lift anything heavy."

"You're sweet, Jase, thank you." Saya checked the sauce and nodded a bit. "I think the sauce is done too. Can you sample it? I want someone besides me tasting it..."

"Sweet?" Jase gave her a grin, trying to lighten her mood a bit. "Sure, will do."

He went and took a spoon out of the drawer, dipped it into the sauce and tried.

"Mmh. First time?" Jase asked, not giving anything away on the quality.

Saya sighed hard and sat at the table.

"It's terrible isn't it." It wasn't a question, she knew it was.

"Didn't say _that_ ," Jase shook his head at her and added a pinch of salt. Then he tried again, while looking over at her. "Delicious, Saya. The kids will love you even more. It's their favourite."

"I know." Her voice was quiet. "I overheard them telling you how much they love it. And thank you, Jase, for being the guinea pig."

Jase nodded and walked over to her to stand behind her. He laid his hands onto her shoulders and leaned down.

"Hey. I'm not Kaidan, but. It's alright."

Saya closed her eyes and leaned back against him.

"No, you're not Kaidan. You're my brother and I love you dearly."

Jase smiled at this. "Sis. I love you, too. Your spaghetti are fine, sauce is delicious."

"I appreciate it, Jase. Thank you so much." Saya turned and kissed his cheek gently. "We better make the dinner call then otherwise this will get cold."

"Agreed, though half of the house is already on their feet," he commented with a grin, listening to the noise, but gave the call nonetheless.

" _Spaghetti!!_ " 

Jase laughed when a few kids came running into the kitchen with big smiles on their faces and began handing out the filled plates.

Irimsaya couldn't help but smile when she saw how excited the children were when they came into the kitchen to get their food.

Jase glanced at Saya and gave her a thumbs up before focusing on the kids. Five year old Kim tried hard to eat without making a mess but wasn't very successful and Jase took it onto himself to help her.

"Mr. Shepard? Will you read us a story later?" Sakura asked softly with big pleading eyes.

"Everyone's done their homeworks?" Jase asked and saw all the heads nodding.

"No one's gotten into trouble today?" He asked the most important question.

"You got into trouble today, Mr. Shepard." Jeremy stated.

"Correct, I did. Guess it's no story for me then." Jase replied, gauging their reaction

"But you're reading it, the story won't be for you," Sakura nearly whined.

"Please?" Kim whispered, looking up at him.

Jase smiled when he looked down at the little girl.

"We should ask the Captain. Captain Shepard, would you allow me to read the kids a story?"

Saya thoughtfully looked at each child then at Jase.

"I'm not sure you deserve story time, Mr. Shepard. However... if the children wouldn't mind a substitute reader - I wouldn't mind giving it a whirl."

"There you go." Jase was watching the kids reaction to this and had to hide a grin when their eyes were darting from Saya to him and back.

"I'm not really interested in a children story," Patrick said, "I'd rather go and stick my nose into my schooling literature."

Jase was watching him, unsure if that was the real reason but nodded eventually. "Alright."

"Mrs. Captain," Kim began softly and Jase had to work on keeping a straight face. That a five year old girl could be this sweet never crossed his mind before. "What will you read for us?"

Irimsaya tried not to let Patrick's departure rattle her, but it seemed to her like it wasn't about the story at all but about the proposed reader. She shook herself a bit and looked at the young girl who had asked the question.

"I'll tell you what - since I'm just a substitute reader, why don't you guys pick the story?"

Kim thought about it and suggested then, "Cinderella! Please?"

Jase nearly rolled his eyes, always Cinderella.

"You just want to hear it again to tell me how to play the prince better," Kai looked at her a bit disgruntled and sighed audibly when he saw Kim looking at him. "Okay, you win."

Sakura nodded and Jeremy shrugged at them his okay.

Jase glanced at Saya, knowing before they'd go to the reading part the kids needed to clear up the table and wash the dishes.

"Alright, Cinderella it is. But on one condition - you guys have to help clean up from dinner. Deal?" Saya raised her eyebrows at them.

Silence followed and suddenly all the kids were on their feet quickly, chairs scraping the floor and the plates were collected noisily, all being directed by Jeremy and Sakura. Jase chuckled and went to the sink, filling it up with hot water. Soon the whole kitchen was back in its original state and Jase walked with Saya over to the house where the kids had their bedroom in.

"You might want to read in the girl's bedroom, Kim will fall asleep while reading." Jase warned her softly.

"Thanks for the tip." Saya said nervously. "Look... I know I said you couldn't read but... would you mind sitting in there with us?"

Jase smiled at this and nodded. The barn could wait for a bit. "Sure. You'll do fine. Knowing the kids Kai will go to you and ask for an extra cuddle. Kim probably ends up with me, as usual. Sakura and Jeremy will sit next to each other and watch your lips, soaking up every word you read for them."

Glancing at him, Saya began to question her decision on this.

"Oh... alright..."

Jase stopped walking and looked at her. "You'll do fine. They like you."

She turned and faced him.

"I've never done this before, Jase. I've never even really been around children until the twins were born."

"Well, until the shelter on the Citadel I never had any contact with kids either. Trust me, you'll do fine. Relax, don't think about it. Just be yourself."

"I'll trust you on that." She was obviously nervous though. "Alright, let's do it."

Jase nodded and gave her a smile, leading her inside and towards the room.

  
  


Dan watched from afar as the pair went into the children's little cottage. He smiled a bit to himself, then went back towards the garden.

  
  


More than an hour later Jase carried a sleeping Kim to her bed and got her settled into it. If ever asked, he'd adopt her, but the problem was trying to treat every kid equally. If he was going to be her dad, others would maybe feel less loved and it was something he didn't want.

Quietly Jase closed the door. The barn was waiting. Before he could go over and finish the day's work he said good night to Patrick and returned to Saya, smiling at her.

"Nicely done, sis."

"Thank you, Jase." Saya walked out of the house with him. "It was... fun."

Jase nodded, but knew something was bugging her. "But?"

"But nothing, I kind of enjoyed it actually."

"They might want you to read again tomorrow," Jase grinned at her.

"Oh no, you'll be back in my good graces by then." Saya smiled at him then stood on tip toe and gave his cheek a kiss.

Jase nodded and gave her a hug. "I'll be in the barn, if Jeff asks."

Saya hugged him back tightly then nodded silently and watched him go.

Jase walked back and was surprised when he found Dan in the barn, storing away his gardening tools.

"Kaidan, need a hand?"

Dan shook his head a bit and used his biotics to put the heaviest ones away.

"I'm good thanks. Everything okay?"

Jase was watching him and shook his head a bit in amusement. "Impressive. Yeah fine. Youngest kids are in bed."

"Hmmm not *that* impressive - but thanks. In bed already? Glad you're not my guardian." Dan grinned at him.

Jase chuckled quickly but didn't follow that thought. "Kim's five. Day has worn her and Kai out. Not that I blame them."

Dan chuckled softly.

"I see."

Jase nodded, feeling the comfortable silence settling between them. The barn was quiet, just the occasional sound coming from one of the animals could be heard and Jase sighed deeply. He was pondering asking Dan about a few things. Ian, Elaine, his and Hilary's future. Jase badly wanted to tell him about Saya and the problem he had caused her, instead he bit his tongue. This was Jeff's field, and not Dan's responsibility anymore.

"Thanks for today Kaidan. You both showed up at the right time."

"Anytime. Just sorry you wound up in stasis."

Jase laughed softly. "Could have been worse. Heard you and Kaidan wanted to enhance your garden."

"Hmmm yes just not sure with what yet. Got any ideas?"

Jase gave it a thought on where. "How about the following. The area around the barn offers a lot of space. It's not that far away from the other part of the garden either. Any kind of food's always needed, especially veggies."

"Not a bad idea." Dan replied. "I like it, a lot."

"Go for it. There's enough space and the kids still have their playgrounds." And maybe one of them showed interest into gardening, Jase figured. Even if not, a schooling hour here and there on how to grow food wouldn't be wasted time either.

"What's your stance on schooling kids on gardening, Kaidan?"

"Teaching? Gardening? Uhm.. well honestly that question might be better posed to the other Kaidan." Dan answered. "I'm not that great with kids."

"Alright," Jase nodded slowly. "Just don't sell yourself short. People never thought I'd be able to handle kids either.

"Well... most people didn't. I always knew you had it in you."

Jase smiled at him when hearing this. "You always believed in me. Thanks. What do you think about all of this here. Now that you've spent a few weeks here."

"It's peaceful. Relaxing. Calm. I couldn't have asked for more." Dan smiled at him.

"Glad you and Hilary like it. I'm sure the family won't mind you two staying here forever." Jase turned, looking over at Milady who just neighed at them. "Mh. Someone seems to agree with me."

Dan chuckled softly and looked at the horse.

"She does love you doesn't she."

Jase pondered this, watching his horse with a smile. "I.. guess. They're still something like a mystery to me. Unlike dogs."

"You always did love a good mystery." Dan smiled fondly at the memories.

Jase chuckled softly. "Yeah. Solving yours was the best. I need to solve another one: Ian."

Dan leaned against one of the barn's wooden pillars and crossed his arms in a relaxed fashion.

"I could tell you some stuff if you really want to know."

"I'd appreciate it. Anything that can help, Kaidan. My sister nearly lost her baby today. I can't let this happen again."

"I was able to bring most of my files with me when I came over. I'll see if I have anything on him that might help."

Jase nodded. "Thanks. He seems to be a jerk Kaidan. But he wasn't as a kid." He sighed and shook his head. "I bullied him around, until the day the gang knew I'm into guys. Since then we've been like cat and dog."

"And today he claimed it was because you never showed an interest in him. I guess he had a fairly major crush on you."

"Major crush huh," Jase snorted. "If he had, there hadn't been any signs. We were kids Kaidan, teenagers. Hormones were running wild. I remember a day when we were scouting out possible targets. Ian kept watching the female population. I didn't get what he was seeing in them. Instead I was watching him." Jase trailed off, remembering the day. It had been hot and sunny and sweat had trickled down Ian's neck. It had intrigued him and all Jase had been thinking about was the boy next to him.

"He ran off, saying he had to take care of himself," Jase shrugged with a grin, but grew serious again. "Then he got Nathan killed using a blatant lie. And now he's here, working me up and insults Jeff in our own house."

Dan watched him silently for a moment, pondering what Jase had said.

"How about this then? Let me deal with him. You wash your hands of it."

Jase nodded. The suggestion was highly interesting and he more than wanted to say yes, please go for it. Yet he couldn't. And running away from responsibility wasn't an option either. Having made a mistake already and handing this over to Kaidan wasn't going to fix it in his books.

"Kaidan, I really appreciate this. But I made a mistake. I let this go on for weeks, ignoring an obvious problem without addressing it first hand. This isn't your problem to deal with. It's between Ian and I. We need to work this out together. I … really appreciate the offer. But this isn't who I am., hiding behind someone else. Even if it's you Kaidan." Jase smiled a bit at him.

"It's not just your problem, Jase. It *is* mine as well. He is, after all, working with Elaine. And I know his name has crossed my desk before... I just can't remember for what and when."

"Elaine...," Jase growled out. "Is there anything she isn't involved with?"

"What do you think the answer to that is, Jase? Of course not. She has her hands in nearly everything. After Earth fell, Cerberus was all the Alliance had for help. So we welcomed them with open arms. That was when she 'arranged' for me to become the Broker. She wanted me out of the way. Little did she know how good I was at digging things up and finding things she never wanted to be found."

"She underestimated you. She could have had a great ally in you instead she used you." Jase answered, not going to discuss any other details. This would go too far, thinking about their lost world. Something he didn't want to go into at all. Jase sighed and rubbed Milady's nose a bit.

"Everybody underestimated me." Dan replied. "Except you. You were the only person who ever saw true potential in me. And that is what kept me going and made me Captain of our Normandy."

"And I'm damn proud of you for that. You can still be a Captain here, if you want to." Jase nodded at him and paused, considering his options. "Whatever your plan is, I trust you with it."

"Well to be honest with you Jase... other than being the Broker in this reality I'm not sure what else I would want to do. I saw enough death to last me five lifetimes."

"I can relate to that. Seeing my sister getting raped," Jase shook his head and let the subject drop. Neither of them wanted to talk about the deaths they had witnessed or knew about. "You'll be good with everything. Be it information, biotics or this garden. Your twin had biotic students."

Dan raised his eyebrows at that.

"He did? Now that's impressive."

"Never say never," Jase chuckled softly, implying Dan could do it too. Then he eyed Dan with curiosity. "What about your Hilary. Does she have any plans? She seemed a little withdrawn lately, being often down at the beach by herself. She hasn't fallen into a depression, has she?" Maybe now he could calm down Jeff's worry about his sister.

"I think she's just enjoying being on a beach to be honest."

"Good to hear," Jase nodded. "Jeff's been worried about his sister."

"Oh? How come?" Dan asked, curious.

"Jeff thought it weird, apparently his sister isn't of the quiet and silent sort." Jase explained.

"Mmmmhhh. He does have a point there. I'll go check on her again."

Jase nodded and left Milady then, getting ready to wrap up his work. It was time to get back to his husband and enjoy the evening.

"You do that, Kaidan. Let me know when you have something about Ian. And...," Jase slowly continued with a soft smile, "if you could update us about Hilary, we'd appreciate it."

Dan just nodded and watched him go. He stood there for a few more minutes, watching the horses, feeling comfortable in their presence, before he went on a search for Hilary.

  
  


Hilary was down at the beach, watching the ocean and enjoying the sunset. Next to her was another sand castle, today's result. Carefully she let her toes dig into the sand, watching her feet and relishing the feel of the sand running through her toes.

Not being able to help himself, Dan smiled when he saw her. Carefully he approached her from behind.

"What a beautiful sight."

Hilary was a bit surprised but she smiled and looked at up him.

"Oh yes, it's a beautiful sight, isn't it? After being cut off from a blue sky and the sun for.. years I can finally enjoy it again."

"Yeah okay that too but I was talking about you." Dan grinned at her.

"Oh!" Hilary grinned at him sheepishly. "I guess I'm still not used to hear someone addressing me as beautiful," she said slowly. "Don't you want to sit down with me?"

"Well, actually, I was considering something else..." He let his voice trail off then kneeled down behind her and began to gently massage her shoulders.

"Mmmmh," Hilary closed her eyes and leaned into it. "This feels good. You're the first man who's willingly given me a massage and doesn't stop after five seconds," she said softly, enjoying it.

"Well I don't see why that is at all." Dan stated softly. "You deserve every second you get of this."

Hilary reached behind her, laying one hand onto his knee to caress it. There came a loud crack from her neck and she giggled softly.

"Well, there's one tension less now."

Dan chuckled softly at that and kept working, using his biotics to get into the deeper tight spots.

Hilary kept her eyes closed, enjoying it. She felt like turning into a happy puddle under his hands.

"I feel like I'm dreaming."

"Hmm well I can assure you that you're not." He whispered then leaned in closer and gently kissed the side of her neck.

"Ooooh," Hilary said softly, "it feels so good."

Dan kissed her there again, enjoying it as well.

"Tell me... Has something been bothering you?"

"I have been building many sand castles," she answered softly, still enjoying what Dan was doing. "Jeff and I were doing this as children, before our parents divorced."

"Which tells me you're using it to escape something. Wanna tell me what?"

Hilary sighed and this time she looked up at the ocean.

"The ocean seems endless, doesn't it? And we all know it isn't. Many _things_ aren't endless. It feels like a dream being here since our world has come to an end. Life as we knew is now non existent and yet we are here. And.. you know Kaidan? The Reapers destroyed so many civilizations and still there was life. Our universe will continue to exist and grow new spacefaring species. And they'll face the same threat as we have. Have we done enough to warn them? Have I done enough? Should I not have studied harder to find a way back for him? We are survivors of our reality, but we aren't more than just a drop of water in the ocean. We need to preserve something of our world, maybe there are differences in our history? And I'm not thinking of our DNA, Kaidan. This world and reality needs to remember there are people here now who are lucky, but come from a world who wasn't as lucky as their's. And they've left a lot of others behind."

Hilary hummed something softly and looked at him. "I am overthinking things, aren't I?"

Dan kissed the top of her head gently.

"You do have a tendency to do that, Hil. But it's one of the many things I love about you."

Hilary looked up at him in surprise. "You … love this about me?"

"I love *everything* about you, Hil. Everything."

Hilary just smiled and a dreamy expression settled into place on her face while she remembered being drunk and hitting on him on New Omega.

"I love you too, Kaidan," she breathed out.

Dan pulled her back so she could lean against his chest and just held her until she was ready to go back.

"And you Kaidan?" Hilary whispered. "How are you feeling here now? Have you settled in?"

"It's hard to describe how I'm feeling, Hil." Dan's voice was thoughtful. "In some ways I'm glad to be here and in others.... in others I wonder what I didn't do to save our universe. If I could have done more somehow."

Hilary nodded slowly, watching him. She knew they left a lot and many more people behind.

"Kaidan? Come and sit down with me?" She asked softly.

"Instead of continuing your massage? Are you sure?" Dan tried his best to lighten the mood he was in but it was hard.

Hilary turned around to look at him and nodded. With a smile she carefully patted the spot next to her.

"My neck feels wonderful now, thanks to your skillful hands."

Dan moved and sat next to her, laying a gentle arm around her shoulders.

For a few minutes she cuddled close to him. Then Hilary moved around, trying to make herself taller, removed his arm gently and laid her arm around Dan's shoulder.

"Kaidan? I think right now you need this too."

Dan smiled a little bit, but everything was finally starting to get to him. To eat him up from what felt like the inside-out.

"Thanks."

Hilary held him close until she began giving the favour back, by gently massaging his neck.

Closing his eyes as he felt her hands massaging him, Dan broke down and started sobbing softly. Everything felt like it had just broken loose and he couldn't help himself.

Hilary blinked a bit in surprise as she hadn't been expecting it from him. A part of her was grateful he felt so comfortable in her presence to let her see it and the other part of her knew men just had as many feelings as women in their own special way. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close, kissing his hair gently.

"It's fine Kaidan, let it go. I'm here for you. Let it all out, yes?"

Dan just nodded as he wept silently. It felt like he couldn't stop. It was tearing him apart and there was no way he could control it. He felt like it was all his fault. He hadn't been as strong as Jase would have been. He had let their galaxy down.

Hilary silently kept stroking his hair and held him close. There was nothing else she could do right now.

Dan didn't know how long he cried for but eventually it felt as if his body had dried out. There were no more tears to be had. Closing his eyes, he stifled a yawn. Letting go like this was never something he did. It made him feel weak.

Hilary rested her cheek on his head, having her eyes closed. The sound of the ocean made her sleepy.

"Kaidan? Thank you for trusting me."

He still couldn't find his voice so instead he just nodded a bit, knowing she would understand.

"I've been building sand castles with my brother when were children," Hilary told Dan softly.

It took a couple of minutes but finally Dan was able to speak, and he cringed when he heard how raspy his voice was.

"Why?"

Hilary shrugged a bit. "It was fun. He instructed me how to do it right. Sometimes he was helping but mostly he stayed put. When our mother wasn't watching he'd help me with it."

"You miss it." It was a statement rather than a question.

"Yes," Hilary admitted, including missing the other Joker, "and yet he is here. Jeff told me he'd been building a sandcastle after they won the war. They're all for him."

Dan felt himself drifting off as he listened to her. He shook himself slightly to wake up, not wanting her to think she's boring. He was just so drained now.

"Kaidan? We should go inside and go to bed, don't you think?"

"Mmmh... oh... sorry... uh yes... yes I guess..."

Hilary stood up and tried to get him onto his feet. "Do you want to take my hand?"

Dan did and let her help him to his feet. He then gently put his arm around her shoulders for a bit of support because his legs now felt a bit wobbly.

"Oh wow, we really need to get you to bed...," she said softly, leading him into the house.

"Sorry." Dan found himself mumbling. He was falling into a deep pit of emotional despair and he knew it.

Hilary wasn't sure if she should call someone for help or not, but Dan was getting heavier and heavier it seemed as she was trying to get him upstairs. Something was very wrong, Hilary felt it and it scared her.

Dan sank onto the bed with a quiet sigh, but he just sat there. His hands had found their way into his lap and he just stared at them.

The silence was kind of deafening for Hilary and she wished she could shake him out of it. When he didn't move after several minutes she slowly tried to get him out of his clothes so he could lay down and find some sleep.

Dan raised his head when she slowly tried to undress him.

"I'm sorry."

"But.. what for?" Hilary asked totally baffled.

"I think there is." His voice was shaking a bit. "I wasn't strong enough to save everyone like Jase did."

Hilary shook her head and stood up, sitting down next to him. She laid her arm around him, trying to draw him closer.

"Oh Kaidan, do you really believe this? If I was to tell you the same, wouldn't you disagree with me too?"

"You weren't the one tasked with saving the galaxy." Dan kept his eyes closed.

Hilary shook her head and sighed softly, more to herself than it was meant for Kaidan.

"You are so wrong with this Kaidan. We all were tasked with saving our galaxy. Every single one of a living being was tasked with it. Did we all fail then? But there is one constant in what happened, isn't there? It's Jase. Our Commander Shepard was the key in winning such a war. We tried, but we were never meant to succeed. You are not the only one thinking they could have done better, you know? But Kaidan? What more could we have done? There was nothing, no room and we did the best we could. We are lucky to be still alive under the dictatorship from your sister."

"No! You...you don't understand! They... *everyone*... turned me into their Shepard! I was supposed to do the impossible and succeed!"

"Oh," Hilary said, obviously shocked at this revelation. "Kaidan...? I never doubted you for one second. Never ever. I.. I suppose I'm guilty of this too then, I have been following your lead."

Dan snorted a little bit, not looking at her.

"And look where it got us."

"It got us into safety and a peaceful world with a future for us. Instead of annihilation and certain death," Hilary pointed out, hoping he'd see this was at least part of his doing.

"If our boss wouldn't have tried to kill you we could have saved many more people. Instead she had the brilliant idea to send ground Reaper forces through it and have them killed on this side. And Kaidan? We never had all the information like Jase did. You never saw the beacon's message and we were always more than a step behind the Reapers. We never met and freed Dr. T'Soni either. Or went to Noveria. We never knew all of this was important! How can this be your fault??" Hilary asked him, feeling a bit desperate.

"BECAUSE I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONE!!!" Dan flinched when he yelled, he didn't mean to take it out on her. He loved her too much. Needed her more than she could possibly know.

"Oh. Really," Hilary said, shocked by his outburst. It was something she wasn't used to from him at all, aside of receiving orders from Dan.

"I'm sorry for trying to make you feel better. You know it was out of your hands, yes? Can't you see this Kaidan? You nearly lost your life, yourself! And you lost Jase. It's not your fault, Kaidan. You achieved more than anyone gave you ever credit for. You never wavered either."

Hilary frowned, after all the losses each of them had to endure, she had never thought of blaming it onto Dan. Nor did she suspect Dan would think of having failed everyone. "Kaidan? We were living in a war for years."

Dan slowly looked at her and shook his head a bit.

"And who was it people were looking to for help, Hilary? *Who*?"

Hilary knew she couldn't hold anything against it, but tried nevertheless.

"They were looking for help to all of us. Anyone of us who could kill a Reaper and help."

Hilary sighed very softly, unsure on what to do and how to proceed from here. She felt as if he was waiting for her to accuse him of her brother's death years ago.

Dan just shook his head a bit and stared at his hands.

"And who's voice did they follow? *Mine*, Hil. Everyone looked up to *me*. I was expected to save the universe."

Silently Hilary stood up and laid her arms around him.

"I'm still looking up to you. And I still will follow your lead and your voice Kaidan. I want to say so much more. Like, how wrong this thinking is. But, you know? I can understand you..."

Dan slowly looked at her then nodded a bit.

"Thank you for being so understanding. But this is something.... something I don't think I will ever get over."

Hilary nodded a very little to herself, feeling lost with this. What did this mean for her? Their failure had not just been Dan's failure. If it was his, it was Hilary's too. All the work, all the hard studying from her had been done to cater to Dan's need to ensure their survival. Which meant, all her sacrifices, all the people and family she had lost, everything had been for nothing. At least she had her brother back, here in this reality.

Hilary cuddled closer and rubbed her cheek on his shoulder. "Kaidan? We were working as a team, you know? We were … pursuing several of my ideas too." Hilary sighed, trying to figure this out and how to respond right for him.

"I was your right hand, your second and it means we both failed. I am, however, trying to remain positive and hang onto the fact we did manage to save a few of our people. But maybe we should try to sleep over it and see what the next day brings and if you need to, we can discuss it some more?" Hilary asked, in the hope the next day might look a bit brighter to him.

Dan nodded again, slowly lying down on the bed as he tried desperately to cling to the hope that it would get better.

Hilary curled up next to him and tried to sleep. Eventually, after mulling the evening's events over and over again she finally fell asleep.

  
  


Jase yawned and rubbed his tired eyes when he came back to their bedroom in the middle of the night. Carefully and quietly he was sneaking into the room and slipped out of his shorts. When he sat down on his bed, he hoped Jeff wouldn't wake up from his nightly excursion.

"Where've you been?" Joker asked, having been awake and waiting in the dark.

"One of the kids wouldn't calm down. Kelly called, asking if I could come over." Jase answered as he laid down.

"And? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." Jase said and turned over to face Jeff. "It was Kim, she's calmed down. She asked me if I want to be her daddy."

Joker raised his eyebrows, that surprised him but not as much as he had expected.

"And what did you say?"

"Didn't have the heart to say no," Jase answered and turned his head, watching him as best as he could in the dark night. "She's … my little baby girl," Jase told him truthfully, unable to express what he felt for her. As if she was his own daughter. And the red hair and freckles, so outspoken yet shy, she had captured his heart and unleashed all kind of parenting feelings in him.

"And she kind of looks like a young Saya." Joker spoke thoughtfully.

"Mmh," Jase replied, having a grin on his face. "You have a point. I've never seen any pics of Saya as child though. Get this, Kim asked if you are my prince."

Joker chuckled softly, a small grin on his face.

"And what did you say?"

"Said yes you are." Jase's hand slipped to Jeff's, holding it gently. "Then she asked if you have kissed me awake too. Like in Cinderella." Jase stifled a yawn and continued, "So I said yes again and she wanted to know when. I told her one day I woke up on your ship and you were … there."

Jase wasn't sure if she really had understood it. At first he had been tempted to tell her about when he woke up after defeating the Reapers. But it wouldn't have been the kind of story Kim had been looking for. Reapers were still giving her nightmares and something Jase himself didn't want to talk about with a five year old kid either.

"She wanted to know if you really kissed me awake and I said, kind of," Jase chuckled softly. "Next Kim asked if you saved my life, like the prince. And.. I said yes again."

"Hey now I'm so not the hero of this story." Joker laughed lightly but squeezed Jase's hand gently.

"You are. You flew the ship and rescued me," Jase pointed out with a grin. He was glad Kim had included Jeff like this, understanding that they were a pair. Thinking about Kim, he didn't want to imagine the horrors she had witnessed, hiding in the streets from the Reapers and their forces. London came to mind and all the other places they had seen. That a small group of kids had managed to survive amidst those horrors... Jase shook his head a bit. How anyone could hand a child back, just like this, only because they couldn't deal with the problems such kids came with. Just like they had done it with him.

"Kim asking if I could be her daddy, that means a lot."

"Hey did you hear me say no at all? I say let's go for it and give her two daddies."

"That would be nice," Jase whispered to him and cuddled closer. "I'll let her know you said yes. She'll be delighted." Jase nearly fell asleep then. "Love you, Jeff."

"Love you too Jase... love you too.."

Jase managed to give him a gentle kiss before really falling asleep.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter 2014 :)

Kaidan awoke to the sound of two babbling voices. For a moment he thought it was someone he didn't know until it registered he was hearing their twins babbling away in their bed. Kaidan ran his hand through his hair and scratched his scalp, glancing at Saya who seemed to be deeply asleep. Carefully he leaned over and kissed her cheek gently before leaving their bed. He really wanted to see what their babies were up to.

"Mmmh, what are my two favourite children doing today? Are you playing?" Kaidan grinned down at his children, reaching down to gently caress their small cheeks. Attention all on him now, their eyes following his voice and finally settling onto his face, he smiled at them before he knelt down next to the bed.

"Oh yes. Yes, we are playing, alright," he chuckled softly and began to play with them, using the teddy bear sitting close by and turned his biotics on and off, telling them a short spacer story.

"That was a good story." Irimsaya mumbled from the bed, her eyes only slightly open as she watched her husband play with their little ones.

Kaidan turned his head towards her, giving her a smile.

"Thank you, how are you feeling?"

"Hungry." Saya smiled sheepishly. "And I'm craving pickles..."

Kaidan chuckled softly as he stood up and sat down onto her bed. Pickles cravings meant she was feeling better and their unborn child was fine too.

"How about I serve you breakfast, with pickles of course, here in bed for you?"

"I'd like that very much. Are you sure it's no trouble?"

Kaidan shook his head and gave her a kiss. "Of course it is not. I will be back in a bit." Kaidan promised, threw on some more clothes and disappeared quickly downstairs to their kitchen.

Saya watched him go with a small smile then sighed softly. She couldn't bear to tell him she still didn't feel that great. He was so happy right now.

Kaidan smiled to himself while fixing his beloved woman a good breakfast. Playing with their babies had made him forget about their worries for a bit. It amazed him how children were able to brighten the day just with their presence and innocent smiles.

"If only I was able to turn back the time for a few weeks," he whispered to himself and rubbed his neck, massaging the spot where the chip had been. And suddenly Kaidan felt worried and restless, an uneasy feeling trying to infest his stomach.

Kaidan sighed, inhaled deeply and shook his head. "Positive thoughts only," he ordered himself and cleaned up the spot. This time he was careful with the tea.

Saya was sitting with the babies when he returned, gently playing with them.

Kaidan carefully placed down the tray and gave her a kiss. "Pickles and more, just like you wished," he said softly. Then he was watching David's face. "Uh-oh. I think someone just went to the bathroom and needs a change."

Wincing, but with a small smile on her face, she nodded.

"It looks that way. And where one goes the other will soon follow..."

"Then I better hurry and clean him up before Hilary follows," Kaidan grinned a bit to himself as he gently picked up their son.

"How is our little one in progress doing today?"

Saya was already nibbling on the pickles he had brought with her breakfast.

"I think Junior's going to be a fighter. I can't tell if it's punching or kicking."

"Probably both?" Kaidan smiled at her. "Maybe our twins will be the biotic squad," Kaidan joked softly as he went over to get the baby cleaned up.

Frowning, Saya watched her husband. Something was bothering him, that much she could tell.

"Kaidan? What's really on your mind?"

Kaidan frowned to himself. He had to get better at this hiding and he sighed softly, while carefully cleaning up David. Kaidan tickled his belly a little bit, knowing it would send the baby giggling.

"I've been thinking about paying my parents a visit, with you and the babies."

Kaidan knew it was kind of a lie, but it was the truth. He hadn't seen his parents for a while and they, especially his dad, wanted to see their grandchildren too.

Saya watched the back of Kaidan's head thoughtfully as she listened to his response. She knew he was lying to her about something but for now, she would let the matter drop.

"What about inviting them here?"

"Mmmh, this sounds like a good idea to be honest. Vancouver is still in ruins and I guess they could relax here for a while." Kaidan answered and finished up with David. "Our young man is all clean and good smelling. Now he can go and impress the ladies," he joked softly and walked back to Saya.

"Just think... soon they'll be walking and talking..." Saya sighed wistfully.

"I can barely wait for the day when this happens," Kaidan told her truthfully.

Saya looked at him in genuine surprise.

"Really????"

Kaidan wondered why she was so surprised about this. He then went and picked up Hilary.

"Of course. Imagine all the ideas they might have, all the different thoughts and how they see our world. Will Hilary like red or blue. Or David, is he more the silent one or the outspoken young man? All those questions Saya." Kaidan smiled at her then, grinning also a bit to himself. "And what about our little one in there? Will it be a fighter like my wonderful wife, or rather the laid back person and observing others. There is a lot we don't know about our babies, yet."

"Of course you do realize all of that will lead to dating, strange men and women coming and going..." Saya grinned as she teased her husband.

Kaidan chuckled softly at this. "They will be screened of course."

"I was thinking more along the lines of interrogated." She giggled a bit.

Kaidan laughed a bit. "Let me handle the screening and you can interrogate them," Kaidan suggested chuckling.

"Hmmmm I think that should work." She giggled harder.

Kaidan laughed now and sat down carefully to give her another kiss. "I love you."

Watching him, she gently kissed him back.

"You're being a lot more careful than usual. What happened, Kaidan?"

Some kind of emotion flashed over Kaidan's face and then it was gone in an instant.

"Destroying a tea box is one thing. It can be replaced, but our children, or you. I can't replace you when I, well, accidentally hurt you. I remember the biotic camp and how they forced us to use our skills. It makes me glad no one knows about my newly acquired skill so far. Everyone expected it would pass." Kaidan sighed. "It doesn't Saya. I could have killed Ian without wanting to."

"But you didn't, sweetie. And you're getting more control over it every day. I've noticed, believe me. And you would never kill someone - not without good reason. You *can* control it. Just like you control your biotics. I believe in you."

Kaidan nodded at her, of course she was right. With a sigh he just enjoyed the closeness to her and being able to hold Saya's hand.

"You're right of course. And thank you for trusting in me," Kaidan replied, hearing himself saying in his mind 'I've got your back, Shepard,' from years ago. Just then Hilary started to make herself heard.

"I guess our lady has a bathroom issue now too," Kaidan joked softly.

"My turn then." Saya stood up carefully, feeling bigger than she did the day before for some reason. Maybe just because of the incident with Ian.

"Okay," Kaidan chuckled softly, remembering Saya's comment from earlier.

Saya gently changed Hilary and held her close for a few minutes when they were finished, her eyes closed and she didn't feel or notice the little blue glow that began to surround them.

"Incredible," Kaidan whispered when he saw them. "She's been doing it since you began hugging her."

Frowning, Saya turned to him and opened her eyes. Then she realized what was happening.

"Holy... Kaidan what is she doing, can you tell??"

Kaidan shook his head. "If she had an implant she would be very powerful."

"Yes... yes I think she.. she will be..." Saya blinked as the room blurred a bit. "Kaidan, something feels different..."

"Hey hey, Saya. Don't faint on us here." Kaidan said while rushing to her side.

The blue glow disappeared and Hilary gurgled, trying to reach down to her mother's stomach.

"Kaidan... what is she doing...?"

Kaidan shook his head, not understanding what exactly was going on here.

"Saya, I don't know. It's like she knows it's her sibling in your belly. Hilary, sweety, look at daddy."

Hilary grunted and kept stretching to her mommy's stomach.

"Kaidan." Saya met his eyes. "I'm not in pain at all. She... I think she *healed* us. In a way Chakwas couldn't."

Kaidan slowly nodded. Once again he was completely baffled about all of this but like months before, he didn't question this now.

"I don't think I want to know _how_ exactly she can do this. I mean, I'm glad she did, but I don't want anyone outside of our family know about this."

"I'm not sure if anyone would believe us. I mean I know there are some biotics who can heal - I've seen *you* heal. But this... this was something else."

"All this reaper tech in you was good for something," Kaidan whispered. "What.. if our twins are something.. like.. a synthesis between human DNA and... what they have been absorbing from the cutting edge technology in you."

Saya looked at him with a horrified expression. She quickly handed Hilary to her father then ran for the washroom to empty her stomach.

Kaidan held Hilary close and walked after his wife, feeling lousy now for thinking aloud. He gently rocked Hilary a bit, knowing their babies were no monsters or worse. If anything, they were two lovely babies with special skills.

"Saya? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

After rinsing her face, Saya came out and stared at him.

"My babies are NOT monsters, Kaidan!! I... I can't help all this damned tech in me! If I could I would! But I can't! *I'm* a monster!!"

Kaidan just stared at her for a few seconds until he hugged Hilary and kissed her head gently before she would start to pick up on her mother's mood change and would start crying.

"Saya, our babies are wonderful. I wouldn't want you nor our twins to be any different." Years ago people considered biotics a monster. Kaidan rubbed his forehead to get rid of the starting headache. He knew if he kept frowning like this it would only intensify it.

"But the way you said it... you... you made it sound like I made them monsters. Something to be studied and dissected."

This was mind boggling. Kaidan looked at her wondering how to reply to this.

"Saya... . Seriously. You are thinking this about me? They are our babies! I was labeled something like a monster myself. People would look at me strangely and consider me a freak."

"I'm more than a freak, Kaidan. A lot more. Do you know a lot of people consider me no better than a Reaper? Just because their tech is inside me?"

"You are NO Reaper. You are my wife."

Hilary started crying and David followed suit. Saya sighed softly and went to their son, gently picking him up and trying to soothe him.

"I'm sorry. All of you. I guess... I guess just thinking that maybe they're different because of what Cerberus put inside me.... well that struck me hard."

"They are our children, no matter how different they will be, I'll always love them and care for them," Kaidan replied, while rocking Hilary gently. "And you, Saya."

Irimsaya smiled a little bit at those words.

"I don't know much about biotics, Kaidan. How soon will they need implants?"

Kaidan sighed softly to himself, thinking about it. "Usually around the age 14, 15."

"And until then? I really don't know what to expect, Kaidan, and I know you do. I... I don't want them to go through what you went through."

"They won't, Saya. There are no camps anymore. Until then I'll teach them responsibility, loyalty, honor and respect. They seem to have some very special skills and need to understand they can be used to help people."

Biting her lip, Saya watched him before nodding slowly.

"I am sorry about losing it before, Kaidan. Just the thought... the idea that anyone would think of them as monsters.."

"Anyone is not me, your husband, Saya," Kaidan said and held one arm open for her to enter the offered embrace.

It felt as though she couldn't enter the arm's hold fast enough. Closing her eyes, Saya leaned her cheek against his chest while David cooed with Hilary.

Kaidan rubbed Saya's back gently with his free hand. The distrust in his loyalty towards his family had rattled him. Having lost her once and now nearly twice was enough, no matter how she would have come back, Kaidan knew he wouldn't have hesitated at all and taken her back. He leaned down and rested his cheek as good as he could on her head and kissed her hair. Before he could say something about the upcoming call to his parents among a few other things, there was a knock on their door.

Saya sighed softly and gently disentangled herself from Kaidan's arm then went to the door and opened it.

"Yes?"

Kaidan was right behind his wife and laid his free arm around her hip. David was keeping still in his arms, which was a blessing at the moment.

The door opened and Jase stood there, carrying Kim. The little girl had her small arms around his neck as best as she could and the mob of red hair rested on his shoulder.

Jase's eyes darted from Saya's to Kaidan's face, sensing something was up.

"I saved some breakfast for you," he said slowly, not mentioning the real reason right away.

"Thank you very much, Jase." Saya smiled, but she knew something else was up. She always seemed to know. "Kaidan already brought me something, but I'm sure I can eat more."

Kaidan wisely didn't comment, but thought after their incident she surely could need the extra food.

Kim sniffled a little and Jase rubbed her back. "Sis, I could use some advice. I'll take Kim to Jeff and.."

"No! Wanna stay with you," came the wailing reply and Jase rolled his eyes a bit, rubbing her back again.

"Kim, I need to talk to my sister about some adult stuff and your other daddy really wants to spend some time with you too. This isn't up for discussion, alright? I'll be back soon."

Kaidan raised his eyebrows when Kim looked at Jase and some kind of communication took place between them.

"Okay," came the defeated reply from her and Jase nodded at this.

Irimsaya cocked her head at her brother, surprised about the 'daddy' bit.

"I might be your sister but if she's calling you daddy then that makes me her Aunt Saya." She grinned.

Kim peered at her suddenly newly acquired aunt and had a shy grin on her face.

"Which would make me your uncle Kaidan," Kaidan replied, grinning.

"The family just got bigger," Jase quipped with a grin. "I'll bring her to Jeff, I really need your advice on something." Jase said then.

Irimsaya was smiling at Kim but nodded to Jase.

"I'll wait here for you."

"Alright, thanks," Jase said and was about to leave the room, when Kim spoke up. "Bye aunt Saya and uncle Kaidan."

Kaidan looked at Saya, hearing Jase chuckle and grinned at his wife. "May I just say one word, interesting?"

"If it makes him and Joker happy, then I'm all for it. That little girl really loves him." She looked at Kaidan.

"I'm not complaining," Kaidan said softly, "I know what my family means to me. I only didn't see it coming."

"Hey now, I never said you were complaining sweetie. Neither of us could have seen that coming to be honest. But I'm glad it did. Really glad."

Kaidan quickly snatched a kiss from her before the door opened and Jase was back.

With a happy sigh Jase closed the door and leaned onto it, grinning to himself.

Saya was grinning at the look on her brother's face.

"Now if that's not contentment I don't know what is." She laughed lightly.

Jase chuckled softly and looked down, it even made him feel a bit embarrassed.

"Yeah. I feel like.. having fallen in love but it's different. Is that what you feel for your babies? This.. need to hug them, love them and care for them, not wanting to leave them alone?"

"24/7 Jase... 24/7." Saya was grinning at her brother, enjoying seeing him so happy.

Jase nodded, understanding her now more than ever. Which was part of his upcoming problem.

"The Council wants me to negotiate between them and the batarians. I'm needed on the Citadel. I want to take Kim with me and Jeff."

Saya was slightly taken aback that the Council hadn't approached her at all. But then she was nearly nothing in their eyes.

"And what's the problem." She tried to hide it but knew her voice betrayed how she felt at the news.

"You both are parents," Jase pointed out. "The Citadel is huge and not really a place for kids right now. I need to figure out if my presence outweighs the negativity it presents. I could use your advice on this."

"If you're uncertain about taking her there, then don't Jase. That's really all I can tell you."

"Mh," Jase nodded thoughtfully, "fair enough. Now, I know you're disappointed the Council hasn't asked you. Balak asked for my presence. He and I have some kind of agreement. Kaidan can tell you more about this. Let's just say it's my paying him back for helping us to free you."

"Why should I be disappointed. They don't ask me to do much of anything anymore. But go, we'll take care of Kim and Jeff for you." Saya responded sullenly. "Just be sure you come back in one piece, okay?"

"I will," Jase replied, thinking about this. If lucky it would take a few days only. If not, it would involve many meetings, convincing and heaven knows what else. Pandering maybe too. But before he would leave he needed to make sure everything was alright. Which included Ian too.

"Any news on when you will go back to the Normandy? I heard someone mentioning you were going on recon. Locating inactive mass effect relays to find new inhabitable planets."

"I don't know yet. This baby could come anytime and I'm reluctant to leave the twins again. I missed them so much this last time."

Jase nodded slowly, studying her little belly. Four months at least, he knew, until the new baby would come. What he didn't tell her was the brass asking him to take over the Normandy, as it couldn't sit idle all the time.

"You'll be in good hands with Arlen and reconn, doesn't sound too exciting," he grinned at her a bit.

Saya studied his face with a frown. It was unusual for him to push like this. Realization dawned on her face.

"They want you to take over my ship." She didn't ask it, she just knew.

Jase's expression changed from happy to staring past her with a solemn face, looking out of the windows while listening to the babies' voices. He couldn't deny it. Saya knew him better than this.

"They asked."

Which was interesting in itself, them asking. They could have just ordered. Instead they asked him to consider it, including to drop any possible charges against his sister for stealing the Normandy and running off to rescue her husband. After Jase pointed out they hadn't pursued pressing any charges, the hint of doing so in the future had been dropped. Jase knew he had to figure something out and play along.

Saya's title of first human Spectre still had to be worth something. If he could get it back for her and convince the Council to make her activeSpectre again, then the Alliance wouldn't cave in that easily and brand her as something she never was again. Like they did after the destruction of the Bahak-System by putting her into detention. Maybe he would be able to work something out with Balak as well. Unlikely, but it never hurt to try.

Irimsaya felt herself go pale and she sank down onto the bed.

"Oh....I....I see..."

"Let me be clear. I don't like this. The Normandy is your ship and you're her captain, not me." Jase told her, rubbing his neck.

Kaidan went and sat down next to his wife with a heavy and long sigh. He had a hunch, there was more to this than Jase told them. Right now he didn't want to ask.

Saya was shocked and confused. It almost felt to her like the Council.... the Alliance itself... was trying to get rid of her. Cast her off like an old, worn shoe. 

"I... uh..." She shook herself a bit, trying to focus. "I see..."

"I'd be honored to serve with you on the Normandy again, having you as my Captain," Kaidan said out of the blue.

Jase nodded at this.

Wordlessly, Saya stood up and went to the window, staring out at the ocean. She didn't know what to say. Or even what to do. Hearing about this made her wonder why the Council had even made *her* the Spectre. Obviously they preferred Jase over her. Everyone seemed to. She leaned her forehead against the window and closed her eyes.

"I won't let them use me against my other self. Against my sister. We aren't rivals." Jase pointed out.

"No.... no we're not. But they obviously have their favourite."

Jase sighed softly. Not at her, but at the truth in her words. "Yeah. I don't like it."

"You may not like it, Jase, but it's what's happened and will continue to happen."

Jase nodded slowly. "I won't take your ship away from you, not willingly. That's a promise. I'll work on them. After all this time, it's childish behavior on their part. They might see me as their hero, a symbol. But I'm nothing more than a simple guy and soldier."

Saya just kept staring out the window. This day was not shaping into one of the best.

"Thanks." She said quietly.

Jase nodded, knowing it meant the same as dismissed and silently left the room. He might have saved this galaxy with Saya, but somehow his being here meant nothing else but doom for her career.

Kaidan remained sitting on their bed, watching over the twins while looking at the back of his wife.

"I think... I think I'm going to go for a walk on the beach, Kaidan. Will you be alright with the twins for a little while?"

Kaidan nodded at her but felt uneasy to let her go alone. "We'll be fine Saya, please don't worry about us."

Irimsaya turned from the window and went to him, kissing him gently before slipping on her sandals and heading out.

A deep sigh escaped Kaidan and he shook his head before he turned his attention to their babies.

"Mommy will be back soon," he told them softly.

Saya walked along the beach. She didn't know what to do or think about all of this. Other than the obvious. The Council wanted nothing to do with her anymore and it seemed to her that the Alliance wasn't far behind them. Knowing that the support she once had seemed to be rapidly diminishing made her cringe inside and for one of the few times in her life - she actually found herself fearing what may come next.

  
  


Kaidan felt somewhat exhausted, mentally. He had taken the twins downstairs to feed them and since then he'd spent the time with in the living room, pondering their future.

  
  


Saya had lost track of how long she had been gone by the time she returned to the main house. She knew it had been a while, but still nothing felt sorted to her. It was all still a jumble of confusion and hurt.

Kaidan sat on the floor of the living room, the twins next to him on the baby blankets. Hilary and David were busy exploring the toys Kaidan presented them with.

"And this is a little rabbit," Kaidan told them softly, moving it around and let Hilary try to hold it. "Hehe, yes. Try to take it. It's brown and white and really soft."

Hilary looked frustrated after a bit when she couldn't get it from her daddy. After a minute it started floating out of Kaidan's hand and Hilary giggled, pleased with herself at her cleverness. Saya watched from the doorway in amazement.

"Ooookay.... this is amazing my sweet little girl," Kaidan praised her, but inwardly he was wondering if she really needed an implant later. Apparently she was already capable of something he had been tortured over himself as a teenager.

"Gah!" Hilary said and giggled madly. "Dada!"

Kaidan chuckled and tickled her belly a little. He loved listening to her baby laugh. Then he picked her up and hugged her close, giving her head a few kisses.

"Dada? And can you try for Mama, Hilary?"

Hilary seemed to scrunch her face up as she listened to him - as if she understood every single word he said.

"M...m....Dada..."

Kaidan laughed softly. "Yes, nearly there. You did very well." And in a moment, he spotted Saya. "Oh look, mommy is back."

Hilary giggled and gurgled when he said that as if she understood.

"She's already amazing, Kaidan." Saya said softly. "Watching her reminded me of watching an Asari."

Kaidan smiled, watching his daughter before he turned to look at his wife.

"She is, but luckily she's ours. And she doesn't have blue skin."

"Has David shown any skills like that?" Saya kept her eyes on her daughter, awe on her face.

Kaidan shook his head. "No, but I overheard Kelly saying boys are late bloomers. You know, he might not try to talk yet, but look at this." He took the small teddy bear and held it over their boy, playing with it a bit.

"David, look, here's the teddy bear. Try to take it."

David gurgled in curiosity at the bear then he looked over at his mommy and reached out for her instead. Saya raised her eyebrows in surprise at the refused toy.

Kaidan chuckled softly and grinned at Saya. "I'm sure the teddy bear can't compete against any mother. He seems to know what he wants."

Irimsaya quickly went to her son and picked him up and smiled when he giggled.

"He definitely knows what he wants... smart boy..."

"Mmh, yes. As smart as his mother," Kaidan nudged her gently.

"Oh I don't know about that. I think he's a *lot* smarter than his mother."

Upstairs a stampede was going on, for a second Kaidan wondered who it. It sounded like two people were chasing around. Then it dawned on him that one of them must be a child.

Shaking himself gently out of trying to figure out what was going on upstairs, Kaidan looked at his wife. He knew Saya was smart, a lot more than others gave her credit for. "Hey, you're very smart **and** pretty."

Saya felt herself blushing as she listened to his words over the obvious playful chasing going on upstairs. She had no doubt it was Jase and Kim.

"You're biased, sweetie." She looked at him but there was a small smile on her face as his words always delighted her.

Kaidan shrugged with a grin. He didn't care if he was biased or not, for him it was the truth.

Leaning over, Saya gently kissed the top of Kaidan's head before sitting next to him on the floor, David still in her arms.

"Sorry I was gone for so long."

Kaidan smiled to himself when she kissed his head, enjoying this.

"Saya, I trust you. I knew you needed... Time. Well, I wanted to say it's alright. And I understand."

"You always do, don't you." Saya stated softly. "You're one of the few people who do."

"Yes, I always do." Kaidan leaned over and gave her a kiss.

Groaning a bit, Saya closed her eyes as she lost herself in his kiss.

Kaidan had a few other thoughts now as well, but the twins were watching and apparently they were doing their baby laughing.

"How about we take the twins, some food and take the shuttle to spend the day away from the house?" Kaidan whispered to her.

"Mmmm... sounds heavenly... do you think Chakwas will let me out of her sight?"

"Surely, it's all for getting you to relax and having a nice day with your family," Kaidan grinned at her.

Saya visibly relaxed at his words.

"Then what are we waiting for?"

Kaidan smiled, leaned in to give her a kiss again and then he carefully stood up. "Let me pay Joker a visit and officially ask him for his shuttle," he chuckled softly.

"Ooooh yes that would be a good idea. He's the last person I want mad at us." Saya was chuckling softly.

Kaidan grinned down at her and nodded.

Upstairs he knocked at Joker and Jase's door.

Joker groaned and slowly went to the door.

"What is it?" He asked without opening it.

Kaidan frowned a bit, wondering what Joker was up to.

"It's Kaidan. Saya and I wanted to ask you if we could borrow your shuttle for the day," Kaidan asked through the door. "Are you alright Joker?"

"Am I okay? Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm just *peachy*." Joker sighed. "And of course you can borrow the shuttle - just don't put any dents or scratches in the fresh paint!"

Kaidan scratched his head a bit, looking down at David. "Well, I know you better than this. Something is bothering you and.. I could come inside and have a quick chat with you. What do you think? And thank you. For the shuttle, we won't scratch it, I promise."

Sighing heavily, Joker opened the door and moved back to the chair near the window.

"Sure, c'mon in."

Kaidan eyed him, but was glad to see him up and about.

"Thanks, again. I'm glad you're doing better though."

"Yeah it's nice being able to move without screaming in pain or agony." He sighed as he sat down.

Kaidan nodded at this, he could only imagine.

"I don't want to pry, but I think something is, for lack of a better word, bothering you. Maybe there's something I can do, like sitting down with you, and well, talk." Kaidan offered again.

Joker looked out the window and watched Jase and Kim playing near the water.

"I'm not sure I can, Kaidan. But thank you for the offer. I think... this is something I need to deal with on my own."

Kaidan nodded, following his gaze and wondered if Joker felt like a fifth wheel now.

"We're family Joker. If there is something we can help you with, please, let us know."

"I've never seen him so happy you know. Not even when we got married."

Kaidan looked down at David and rocked him gently while considering his next words.

"You know, when Saya and I married, we were very happy." Kaidan left out the next bit of her dying and that he still sometimes feared he'll wake up and find out it all was a dream. "But having our children made me a happier man. Our marriage was only the beginning. And I think when you and Jase have your very own child, you both will be happier too."

"Maybe. Who knows." Joker closed his eyes. "Thanks for asking if you can borrow the shuttle. Most people don't."

"You're welcome Joker. Sometimes it isn't easy living and loving a Shepard, but I think, you two need to talk. If it's eating you up as bad as it seems...," Kaidan left the rest open.

"He's happy. That's all that matters."

Kaidan shook his head, disagreeing with this heavily. But he let the matter drop so far.

"Please Joker, talk to him. I hate seeing my friend so miserable."

"I'll be fine, Kaidan. I promise."

Kaidan nodded and didn't know what else to say. "Well, thanks again for the shuttle. Saya and I appreciate it. Once we are back home I'll drop off the keys," he joked softly.

Joker chuckled a little at that. He always felt better when Kaidan was joking around with him.

Kaidan smiled at him with the silent promise to take his friend out for a husband's only evening.


	6. Chapter Six

"Can you hear anything else?" Kaidan asked Saya, sighing at the blissful and peaceful silence. Aside of the twin's babbling and the sounds nature made, everything was quiet and he relaxed.

Saya had her eyes closed and was letting the sun beat down on her face.

"Hmm? Anything else? Like what, sweetie?"

Kaidan chuckled softly, staying in the shades with the twins. "Like only us."

"After everything we've been through. Peace is a bit....unusual." Saya smiled at her husband.

"Unusual, yes. But very much welcomed," Kaidan replied, watching her. For a moment he saw her sitting there in the same way she had done with barely any clothes on, posing for the slavers and other uninvited onlookers. He kept smiling though, reminding himself of the beauty his wife was. Especially now, carrying another baby of theirs.

"Damn right it's very much welcomed." She grinned broadly at him but noticed something in his eyes. A glimmer of something unsaid. But it wasn't something Saya was about to push at. He would tell her if and when he was ready. "So what are you hoping for? A boy or a girl?"

Kaidan grinned while watching her belly, wondering what it could be. Considering the amount of kicking she had received....

"A boy. Girls are overrated nowadays," he teased her. "Seriously though, with the kicking and everything else, I would think and hope for a boy."

"Hmmm... interesting thoughts as to why it could be though. So.... what... you don't think I was a kicker?" Saya giggled.

"Ah," Kaidan laughed. "Uh, you and a kicker?"

"Ask mom, she'll verify it! Apparently I was a good one..."

"If it's anything to go by our current small kicker in production, then yes. You must have been," Kaidan smiled at her fondly.

"Heh." Saya smiled at him. "I'm glad you suggested this. I'm feeling more relaxed right now than I have in awhile."

"Then it was indeed a good idea. I promised Joker not to scratch his baby and to bring back the keys," Kaidan joked softly. "I think I need to take him out for a... "husbands of a Shepard" evening though, now that he is back on his feet."

Sensing there was more to this, Saya watched Kaidan's face carefully.

"Is he alright?"

"Bored, I would say," Kaidan replied and continued, "and I wouldn't dare say jealous, but he seems to feel left out with Kim being around now. He might feel she's taken over his place. You know, I never felt left out when the twins came, but then I had time to adjust to it."

"True, you knew they were coming so you were able to figure things out - we both were. Whereas poor Joker has just been thrust into the situation with hardly any warning whatsoever. It would have been totally different if it had been the baby that they want to have with me as the surrogate."

Kaidan nodded at this. "The pregnancy time is not an easy one, but full of anticipation and looking forward to the new life we created. It gives time to adjust and ponder what will be important. Joker thinks Jase was never as happy as he is now, not even when they got married. I, uh, told him I was happy when I married you, but with the babies we are having I'm happier. Our marriage was only the beginning."

"And you think time for the two of you will help? Do you think you can help him adjust?" Saya's concern over this was quite evident.

"He needs a friend, of course, someone who listens to his worries," Kaidan sighed a little bit. "And they need to talk, but I had the feeling Joker doesn't want to tell Jase because obviously, the man is happy. Which is, excuse me, plain stupid. If there's something bugging Joker he needs to tell him, before the other half wonders why the world is suddenly looking grey and a t-storm is closing in."

"I'm going to assume you're speaking from personal experience there, Kaidan." She was frowning now. "I'm starting to wonder now if you wanted to come out here for more than just relaxation time. I'm here if you want to talk..."

"Relaxation time," Kaidan replied thoughtfully, "I.. could use someone to talk to, too."

"Oh... right... of course..." She fell silent and looked out at the view, wondering if he felt he couldn't talk to her for some reason. But it was something she wouldn't pursue.

"I, uh, just don't want to burden you with my worries. After all you are the one who, well."

"I'm the one who what, Kaidan?" Saya returned her eyes to her husband's face.

Kaidan sighed, thinking he shouldn't have started this talk. "Who has been raped, Saya."

Looking down, Saya gently rubbed David's small head.

"It's something that happened. Just like the Reapers. It happened. You and Jase saved me. If you hadn't... well I don't think I'd still be alive to be honest with you."

Kaidan nodded mutely and made room for her to sit down with him in the shade. "You know, I lost you once."

Awkwardly, Saya sat down next to him and sighed softly.

"Yes, believe me that's something I'll never forget. There are few things in life that leave that kind of mark on your mind. Being blown into space with a damaged air hose is one of those things."

Despite the warm sunny weather, Kaidan laid his free arm around her shoulder. If only he could word his thoughts and feelings. But every time he believed to have them pinned down and to understand them, the moment was gone like a fly catching the wrong breeze.

Carefully he kissed her red hair. "I don't know how I made it through the two years after you left me, us. I don't remember a lot of it. I was working, trying to move on. I know it wasn't working. I," Kaidan paused, feeling tired suddenly.

"Actually this isn't what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say is, that I feel... that I feel... disgusted, sometimes, at myself for... desiring you and.. sometimes I think I'm no better than all those bastards who were ogling you, reducing you to a sex object to be used, to an item. To a thing for their own pleasure, which you aren't. You're my wife, and I love you.." Kaidan trailed off, looking away. He didn't want her to see his eyes filled with tears and now he was really ruining their trip too. So much for trying to get her to relax.

Irimsaya frowned a little bit at his words.

"Kaidan - I love you. But sometimes you need a good swift kick. Do you really think I would ever believe you treat me like that? Their hands, their eyes... they were cold. Like stones. Your hands and eyes are as warm to me as the sun is beating down on us this very second. I **love** you and you love me. Please, please don't ever let that go. Yes you lost me for two years, yes you saw me used as...well as a sex slave. But I have things I wish I could forget too. Saren shooting you... hearing your screams as they implanted you with the slave chip... watching your sister try to turn you into a husk..." She trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Kaidan nodded, all of these were not fond memories. Now it was up to them to create good memories, better ones, happier ones. They had already started with it but the past couple of weeks had been hell.

"You're right," Kaidan whispered and turned his head, sniffing her hair. It smelled after flowers again. "We need to look forward, create new and better memories."

"Then please..." She groaned quietly as his breath so close to her skin. "Kaidan... the babies... and you're getting me quite uhm... well..."

"Excited?" Kaidan whispered, feeling happy and sorry at the same time for doing this to her. Being out here made him feel vulnerable, unlike at their home where they had spend a nice evening together at the beach.

"I would've gone more for aroused...." Saya whispered back.

"Dada." Hilary giggled.

Kaidan grinned a bit at his wife but then he started laughing when Hilary said 'dada'.

Saya closed her eyes then smiled down at their children who seemed to be watching them with intent concentration.

Kaidan chuckled and finger tipped Hilary's small nose. "I think we just got busted."

Hilary giggled and gurgled, trying to catch his finger in her hands, almost as if she had understood that she had interrupted them.

Kaidan played with her, trying to let her catch his finger and tickled her belly in between. "You are our smart girl, aren't you? Yes, catch the finger," he chuckled.

David gurgled, watching his sister and daddy play together.

"I think we have an analyst in the family." Saya said softly, watching him.

Kaidan kept playing with her, glancing at David from time to time while chuckling with Hilary. "Analyst or not, I'm already proud of our children."

"You're not the only one." Saya leaned down and kissed David's head gently but his eyes never moved from his twin and their father.

Kaidan then snatched a kiss from his wife and then he sighed deeply, finally relaxing too.

She grinned at him and watched as he visibly relaxed.

"Feel better?"

"Yes, actually I do. Thank you," he smiled at her.

For the rest of the day Kaidan felt more and more relaxed, enjoying the presence of his family and to hear Saya's laugh again was the best present ever. Borrowing Jeff's shuttle had been indeed the right thing to do.

  
  


Jase awoke with a start, panting and grunting softly and threw the blanket off his body. It felt as if it was glued to his skin, thanks to the sweat he had produced.

After scratching his itching scalp he checked the time. 

'3:59am. Too early to get up,' he thought and sighed. 

The right hand pressed pressed down onto his chest, feeling the hot sweat turning cold on his skin. The racing heartbeat was slowing down finally too. No blood, just sweat. Nothing more. Nothing serious.

Jase kept sitting there on the side of his bed, staring into the darkness, unmoving, thinking, wondering why he was having nightmares again. Now that Kim finally seemed to sleep better his brain decided to act up again.

A snore erupted from the other bed and Jase grinned a bit to himself when his husband coughed softly and seemed to rearrange himself in his bed. His own bed needed a change most likely. The urge to roll over and run his hand through Jeff's hair was overwhelming, but Jase didn't want to wake him. He loved him too much to wake him up. Which brought his thoughts back to the Citadel, Kim and Jeff and the upcoming time he'd have to spend there. Could he take them with him? Saya had been right, if he doubted it for one second, it wasn't a place for a child. But being apart for them was not something good either. Not now. Along the way a part of him had become vulnerable. Having his family around him, having Jeff close, eased the worry. But having Jeff touch him made him feel better already, calmed his inner devils, dark thoughts and worries. With Jeff at his side, Jase felt nothing would and could harm him.

With dismay Jase remembered their times apart, when Saya had been in detention and Jeff had stayed with the Normandy. At the time he had believed their relationship would come to an end. Jase half grinned to himself, luckily this hadn't happened.

Another snore, louder, came from his husband and Jase turned around to make out Jeff's face.

Joker sniffed as he slept then started snoring again. It was obvious that he was dreaming.

Jase kept watching him, wondering if he should reach over to caress his leg a bit. Instead he stood up and crouched down next to Jeff's bedside, watching him. His blanket was just still too wet for his likes.

Joker mumbled in his sleep then his eyes opened a bit and he yelped in surprise to find Jase right there.

"Christ, Jeff." Jase was surprised himself and whispered then, "It's just me. Didn't mean to wake you."

Panting from the surprise, Joker stared at him.

"You... you didn't wake me..." He swallowed hard. "I uh... I was dreaming of the Citadel. When I flew the Normandy at Sovereign."

"You did good work." Jase closed his eyes briefly, remembering the time. They had been sitting together in the cockpit. Jeff had done an incredible flying job while Jase kept an eye on everything else.

"What happened in your dream?" Jase whispered, knowing no one else would hear them, yet he kept his voice low. His fingertips found Jeff's forehead and he gently brushed the hair away, noting it was a bit damp.

"I dreamt that we failed. Sovereign won. And Saya died in Kaidan's arms."

Jase was silent for a bit then nodded slowly, gently caressing his forehead now. "Nightmare... we won Jeff. We're here and all right. We won."

Nodding a bit, Joker found himself still breathing hard.

"I know... I know... but I can't get that dream out of my head."

"Hey, come here," Jase offered, moving closer. "Such dreams can be intense."

Joker just nodded a bit, starting to shiver a bit from the shock of the dream. It had been so real. Almost like it was a memory.

The silence coming from Jeff was worrying him. Jase gently rubbed his shoulder. "Jeff, talk to me."

"It uhm... it felt more like a memory than a dream, or even a nightmare. It was *so* vivid."

Jase didn't know what to say to this, all his dreams were based on real events. "Tiger, they're fine," Jase tried to soothe him, wondering if Jeff had caught a glimpse of his own galaxy. "Your mind probably mixed up the knowledge of my galaxy and ours."

"Yeah... yeah that must be it..."

Jase kept caressing his hair and shoulder. Such a dream was nasty and usually, Jase knew from experience, the following day at least he would be thinking about it.

"You blew up Sovereign yourself. Saya got married, they have babies and one more on the way. All's fine. It's all right Jeff."

Joker just nodded a very little bit. To say he was shaken was putting it mildly. He knew this dream would haunt him for awhile. He didn't dare tell Jase that he also dreamed of the console he had been sitting at. And that Jase had been burned alive in front of him.

Jase's fingers trailed down then to Jeff's beard, tracing the line of it towards his nose, over the lips and back.

"Just a dream, nothing more. It's not real. It never happened Jeff," Jase whispered, "It's not real."

Joker just nodded again. He couldn't tell him about the other parts of it. He wouldn't.

"I uh... I need a drink... what time is it?"

"I'll get you one," Jase replied and stood up to get Jeff something to drink. "It's way too early, just past 4am." As soon as he turned on the lights in the bathroom Jase flinched a bit at the brightness and rubbed his eyes. The glass of water was quickly filled and he returned to Jeff. He knew his husband was badly shaken from this dream and this was something that hadn't happened before ever. It worried him.

"Here you go, fresh cool water for my tiger." Jase said and turned on the small lamp on the nightstand.

Joker sat up and sipped at it gratefully. His mouth and throat felt like a desert on a hot day.

"Thanks."

Jase was watching him downing the water and he guessed he'd have to bring him another filled glass.

"Never before I've seen you this shaken."

"Yeah well I've never had that kind of dream before. And I never want another one like it again." Joker answered as he drank.

"Jeff, I love you," Jase just blurted out. Sometimes he wondered why he had become like this, but it was so easy with Joker. Silently he hoped the dream was one of those very rare ones which wouldn't come back anytime soon. From experience Jase knew how very well he could remember a few of them even years later. A few dreams from nearly twenty years ago he could still remember, including the sensation of feeling simply scared to the bone.

"You're frightened."

Joker raised an eyebrow at him but smiled when Jase told him that he loved him.

"Love you too. And hell yeah I'm frightened. Jase - when Saya takes the Normandy out again... I wanna be the pilot."

Jase nodded with a smile and looked thoughtful for a bit.

"Getting tired of being retired? Well, we both have been reinstated. Can't retire again," Jase sighed with a small grin and sat down on the floor. "Question for you Tiger. When you joined the Alliance, what was your ultimate goal? Best Pilot of the galaxy?"

"Well that thought did cross my mind but no. I joined because with this damned syndrome of mine being a pilot was pretty much all I could ever do."

Jase took the glass out of his hand and placed it down, just to take the now freed hand into his.

"Disease or not, you're good with a lot of things," Jase encouraged him. "You're a damn good pilot. The best there is. It'd be a shame seeing that talent of yours going to waste."

"Soooo..." Joker squeezed Jase's hand a bit. "You're okay with me asking her then?"

"Yeah, you've got my support." Jase looked thoughtful again. When Jeff was going back, what was holding himself back? And where would this leave Kim?

"Why don't you and Kim come too?" Joker said, unknowingly answering Jase's thoughts. "I'm sure Saya and Kaidan will be taking the twins this time. Although I'm not sure a spaceship is a great place for kids..."

Jase grinned at this. Having his own family on a spaceship this time. Not even any spaceship, but the Normandy.

"It's a great place. Better than any gang, broken dirty beds, ragged and torn clothes and having no idea when you'll find something to eat next," he nodded to himself. A spaceship, compared to street life was far better. "Our Shelter will be fine without me. We've got enough people here watching over the kids. But, I have to clean house first. Ian."

"Yeah uh no. I would **really** like it if you let Saya handle that..."

Jase sighed and looked beaten for a moment, rubbing his right eye.

"I really don't get him. We used to be friends, then things took a turn for worse," Jase shook his head.

"Yeeeah I kinda noticed. I also noticed he mentioned having feelings for you."

"Yeah. This," Jase sighed softly again. "I'm afraid he'll do something to you. So you think I should let Saya handle this? She nearly lost her baby because of... me. And this problem."

"Trust me... your sister in a pissed off mood is far worse than you. You're mean when pissed off - she's just plain scary..."

"Mean, huh." Jase grinned at him. "All right, I'll leave it up to her. I just don't like letting others deal with my problems. Ian is my problem, not hers," Jase pointed out and yawned then, thinking aloud. "I always wanted to make it to Admiral one day. Kid from the street pulls himself together and builds up a career."

Joker winced a bit.

"You'd be great in the role." He said quietly, wondering how Saya would take it though and knowing his sister-in-law would see it as another blow to her own career.

Jase snorted softly. "Thanks. But no, thanks. I had the responsibility of the whole Galaxy on my shoulders. Two galaxies. That's enough for a lifetime." Jase shook his head, watching Jeff and just let his thoughts be voiced.

"Life changes you, perspectives change, people change. Time changes you, me. I could do with the rest of my life tending horses, the garden and helping kids. But I know this isn't all of it. I'm still needed out there. And if my husband wants to be a pilot again, I won't throw away the chance and stay behind. But Admiral? No. That's not important anymore."

"But you really wanna come with me if Saya lets me be her pilot again? Really??" Joker was grinning from ear to ear now.

Jase nodded at this. Jeff had given up flying for him when Jase himself wasn't doing too well.

"Yeah. Cause I love you. Just hope she wants to have me around too." Now they just needed to convince her to make use of the command. Somehow he had the feeling with them being around again it would be easier for his sister to take back what was rightfully hers.

"Well... we could always just say you're my co-pilot... cause I'm sure Edi's going to be hanging around with Arlen."

Jase grinned and nodded. Getting his seat back was an interesting thought. "They did some good work, that's for sure."

"And maybe you could learn a few things too..." Joker was smiling now at the thought of having Jase at his side. Until the memory of the nightmare returned.

The reaction from Jeff got the wheels turning in his head. "There's more to this dream. More than you told me about. Jeff, listen. It's just a dream, a nightmare. They come and go."

"I know... I know. But now I'm wondering if somehow we missed a Reaper or something. I mean all it would take is one right?"

Jase got off the floor and went over to his bed, removing the bedding. To get some more sleep he needed a dry bed. But that was all just an act. A reaper left in their galaxy? No way in hell.

"I know. But I killed all of them. If there was a report of one who survived, we'd know about it. Liara and Dan would know." He looked at Jeff. " _I_ would know."

Joker frowned but nodded.

"Well - just for the record - I think if Saya's implants were able to survive it, well barely, maybe we should entertain the possibility and be prepared..."

Jase brought the sweat soaked blanket into the bathroom and got a fresh one out, thinking about Jeff's suggestion while fixing his bed.

"Jeff. I know. I just .. don't want to face them again. You're right with Saya and her implants. We had a good doc and the twins kind of helped, too."

With a sigh Jase sat down on his freshly fixed bed and sighed more deeply, half hanging his head. Just thinking about the Reapers made him feel worn out. Memories came flooding back, noises, scents, pictures of charred worlds, mangled bodies, lying in heaps around. But could he have a point? Could he?

"No one deserves to live through their horrors again, or die by their hands."

"Sorry...I...I shouldn't have mentioned it..." Joker looked down at his hands.

Jase laid down and rolled over to him. "It's all right. You've got a point."

"Do I? Or am I just being my usual paranoid self?"

"Mmh," Jase kissed his back, deciding to ignore the nagging cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Loveable, paranoid self, spooked by a bad dream. Either Saya was lucky, or there's some truth to it. Tali had a point with Haestrom, yet no one ever tried to figure out why the sun is dying."

Joker sighed quietly and closed his eyes, enjoying the lips on his back, despite the time of day it was.

"Yeah... I guess..."

Jase sighed softly while getting comfortable behind him and closed his eyes. "An 'I guess' doesn't convince me, Lieutenant," Jase teased him gently. In his mind Jase was filing the information away, intending to ask Dan about trying to find out more. The mere idea of a Reaper having survived the war spooked him. Let alone the danger it would present the Galaxy with, or what it was able to do by using indoctrination.

Joker mumbled something before lying down again and closing his eyes, falling into a restless sleep.

Jase kissed his neck again, mulling over the implications and possibilities.


	7. Chapter Seven

Voices filtered through the half closed door and Kaidan remained still and silent, not wanting to disturb his wife. For a moment he was wondering who she was talking to but then he realized it was Joker's voice. Kaidan tried not to listen in on them and shushed their son, but as usual he wasn't very successful. The small voice of David could be heard and Kaidan rolled his eyes a little, giving the little boy a smirk and he shrugged. "Missing mommy, aren't we?"

David gurgled at his daddy and smiled.

"Mama."

Saya rubbed her eyes and looked at Jase and Joker.

"Are you two serious about this? You want to look to see if somehow a **Reaper** survived??"

Kaidan walked in after hearing this, holding David close. While hearing about a Reaper was very disturbing, David saying 'mama' had just made his day.

"I asked Dan to see if there's any possibility one could have survived," Jase explained. "Look. I don't want even one of them to be alive. But Jeff has a point."

"That because my implants survived a Reaper might have too? If even one **did** survive it could repopulate their entire species!" Saya started pacing, Hilary in her arms.

Hearing his sister saying this made Jase feel even more depressed. "That energy wave from the Crucible should have killed them all. What the hell have we been fighting for then?!" Jase yelled and held up his hands in apology, this was a touchy subject.

Kaidan eyed the family, the only good news he had heard so far was that Joker wanted to be their pilot again.

"Do we even know how they produce, build, reproduce? Wasn't it the Collectors who built the human Reaper you destroyed?"

"I don't know. But they're machines right? Maybe they have other slaves somewhere to 'make' them."

"If," Jase pointed out, walking around a bit. " _If._ Hey, it's been close to a year. If there's one, someone must have heard something."

"I don't even know if the Geth can reproduce too, as in building up new platforms. Well wait, Legion was a special platform. I'm sorry, still is," Kaidan said. "I guess if a Geth can build a new platform, it shouldn't be impossible for a Reaper. After all they're using people by indoctrinating them."

"Which is the problem. If there's one, it's hiding." Jase said and eyed his husband for a moment. Jeff had been having a bad dream and this whole conversation was based on it, the mere thought of the possibility. It reminded him of Liara's vision, the ship she saw and Saya's death. But she was an asari, unlike Jeff, who was human. Did the race even matter?

"Maybe Saya was just lucky and the twins were protecting her. But I don't do 'maybe', or 'perhaps'. That's not good enough for me." Jase pointed out. And in about a few days Jase had to be on the Citadel and needed to work on his ideas on how to get Balak, the Batarians and the Council together and agree to something like a peaceful co-existence. Having a Reaper on his mind was hindering his thinking.

Saya looked at each of them in turn.

"I'm re-assuming command of the Normandy. This will be our assignment. Search out any signs of any Reaper survivors."

Kaidan nodded, wondering how she'd break the news to the Admiral and getting this allowed.

Jase sighed, happy to hear she was doing this, but the circumstances surely could have been better.

"Ask Dan to go with you, he can dig up any information you can imagine." Jase didn't dare to say aloud that he thought Dan was better with this than Liara. "I take it I won't be able to join you for this. I can't back out of the Council's assignment."

"No. I'm still a Spectre as far as I know. I'm going to request you assigned to the Normandy. You can do the council's bidding from there as far as I'm concerned. You're not an errand-boy."

Jase secretly grinned to himself, now that he knew Saya was a Spectre.

"All right. You might as well reserve the comm room for me."

"Consider it reserved." Saya felt a fire rising in her that she hadn't felt for a long time. "I'll get in touch with Anderson and get the wheels in motion."

"Understood, Captain," Jase said and glanced at Kaidan who was grinning a bit. "Guess I need to get packing. Kid's bed, requesting my N7 armor too." Jase looked at Jeff, trying to gauge his reaction.

Joker was trying hard to keep a grin off his face and failing miserably.

Saya glanced at them all.

"Well then, get to work you three. We're going to have a lot of prep work to get done."

"Yes ma'am," Kaidan replied and kissed his son, who suddenly seemed to have something on his mind. David reached out with his small arms towards her. "Mama."

"Aww," Jase murmured and went to Jeff's side to help him walk out.

Saya smiled broadly at her son and shifted Hilary to her left arm, taking David into her right arm.

"There we go. Two arms no waiting."

  
  


Jase left with Jeff and Kaidan was just watching his family for a second before he went to Saya. "Hey, let me hold Hilary. Don't want you to carry too heavy," Kaidan gave his wife a quick kiss. "I'm proud of you."

Saya smiled at him.

"Thanks Kaidan. I uh... I'm not sure where that came from but... it felt damned good."

"And it was good to hear you like this again. I guess I need to cancel the visit of my parents then? Or do we have a day left before we fly off to investigate the possibility of having a still living Reaper around."

"We should have a day at least. I want to see them too."

"I'll make the call and arrange for everything," Kaidan replied and thought the next two days were going to be very busy and would be rushing by very fast. But he felt glad to have the chance to see his parents and especially his dad again.

  
  


With a footlocker in his hands Jase walked to the house Kim was usually in. He wondered if the storage this box provided was enough for a five year old and for a moment he believed he should have asked his sister for advice. 

As soon as the door from the house opened he could hear the kids. The air in the house itself was cool and it felt great on his heated up skin. A horde of kids came running down the stairs and turned towards the exit. Jase dodged a few kids and smiled at them. They really seemed to be happy here and went upstairs to where Kim was. His little ruby gem sat on the floor with the pencils spread around her, a doll next to her and was working on coloring a picture.

"Hey there," Jase said and set the box aside to kneel down. "Whatcha doing?"

"Hi daddy Jase," Kim answered, keeping focused on her picture. "'m coloring this animal."

"Nice," Jase answered and was watching her for a while. Eventually Kim looked up at him with her big green eyes and asked, "What name has this animal?"

Jase wasn't sure if this was a quiz or if she really didn't know what the animal was called.

"It's called a Giraffe."

Satisfied with this answer Kim's attention suddenly turned to the footlocker. "Daddy Jase, what is in the box?"

Jase took it and opened it. "It's empty Kim."

Before Jase could continue she interrupted him. "Why is it empty?"

"We need to put some of your things into it. Like...,"

"Why?! Do I have to leave? Aren't you going to be my daddy anymore?" Kim nearly wailed.

'Shit,' Jase thought and gently took her small hand into his to draw her closer, realizing what she was thinking. "I'd never send you away Kim. I'm your daddy and Joker is your daddy too. For as long as you want us to be your daddies we'll be your daddies. Understood?"

"Uh-huh," came the soft answer and Jase saw there were already tears on her face. Using his thumbs he gently wiped them away and caressed her hair.

"You're my little girl. No one takes you away from us. Got it?"

"Uh-huh. What things goes into my box?"

"Go into my box," Jase corrected her. "Your clothes, your toys. That sort of thing. Daddy Joker and I go to work on Aunt Saya's spaceship and we want to take you with us."

"Ooooh....!" Kim's eyes went wide and suddenly the little red haired girl whirled around in the room, dragging out toys, books, pencils and more and threw them all into the box and looked at him expectantly. "Can we go now?"

Jase scratched his head, wondering what he should do with the mess now that was the box.

  
  


### Back to work

Arlen rubbed his eyes when he sat down on his desk in med-bay. His left index finger ran along the surface and he grimaced a bit at the tiny layer of dust which had settled on it. The filters on the Normandy were good, but apparently not good enough against the normal kind of dust. With a shrug he decided dusting could wait for another minute or two and switched on his terminal, pulling up the holopics and vids he had done while on the Citadel.

With something like pride he moved from one picture to the next, studying the progress each picture showed. Rebuilding his father's clinic had been a tough job, considering the severe damage it had suffered. At least the biggest rubble had been removed and the Keepers had started to rebuild and fix a few things, but most of the old equipment had been destroyed. But the work had been worth it and in a few more days the clinic was ready to open for light business. In time, Arlen knew, they could acquire more equipment and treat more patients.

When the pics stopped Arlen stood up, sighing a happy sigh to himself and went to get his med-bay back into order.

Edi's voice filtered through the speakers into the med-bay where Arlen was.

"Are you alright, Arlen?"

Arlen looked up, a little bit surprised. He'd been gotten used to having Edi around for real all the time.

"Yes Edi, I am fine. We have a small case of dust in the med-bay. I enjoyed our time together on the Citadel."

"As did I, Arlen. I am sorry I cannot be there with my body at the moment - I am checking some things in the engine room as we talk. I am surprised there is a layer of 'dust' though. I will run a diagnostic on all systems."

Arlen chuckled softly. "I _am_ a neat freak, but thank you. Is your ship in order?"

"All systems appear to be functioning within normal parameters. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"I'm glad all systems are fine." Arlen grinned to himself, thinking either Edi was bored or she was missing his, as she put it, presence.

"Are you missing me, Edi?" Arlen asked softly, cleaning his desk.

Edi went silent. Almost as if she were afraid to confirm what he had said.

When the silence went on, Arlen blinked and looked around in thought. He knew Edi was an AI and Arlen had never been sure if she did have feelings, real feelings, but this silence seemed to acknowledge _something_.

"Edi? Are you... alright? Have your, uh, circuits suffered some kind of overload? Do you need help?"

"I am... well. Thank you." Edi hesitated again. "I do miss your presence."

"Thank you Edi, I miss your presence too." Arlen kept smiling to himself and moved on to clean the other side of the med-bay. "Have you adjusted your programming lately?"

"In what sense?" Edi asked, sounding curious.

Arlen was pleased to see the other side was in far better shape than his desk and he wondered why.

"In what sense, Edi? I thought about .. things concerning our relationship."

"Oh... my programming has not altered. I care for you deeply."

Arlen nodded. "I care for you deeply, too. Edi? When you are done with your work, would you like to meet with me in Starboard observation?"

"I would like that very much. I should be done in about five minutes."

Arlen nodded surprised at this, now he needed to work faster to finish what he was doing in time. The rest would have to wait for later. "I will be there too, Edi."

"I will endeavour to be on time." Edi went silent.

Suddenly Arlen dashed along, finishing off what he was currently working and ran out of his med-bay to the bathroom to wash his hands and to see if he was looking okay. Then he was walking slowly to the Observation room, trying not to look ... excited.

Edi was already there waiting for him, staring out the window.

As soon as the door opened Arlen saw her standing there and was surprised to see her wearing clothes. The time on the Citadel must have been important to her.

"Hello Edi," Arlen said and walked up to her, ignoring the view they had from the window. The city didn't look that interesting with Edi being there. "You are looking magnific. Are you missing the stars?"

"Thank you Arlen, you are looking very handsome." Edi seemed to sigh softly. "Yes, I miss flying. The feeling of being able to go anywhere."

"Thank you." Arlen grinned a bit and carefully laid his arm around her. "It must be ... hard not being able to be any further away from the Normandy." Arlen didn't want to say that it must feel like a prison to her.

"I do not enjoy being 'docked' in a port." She answered, leaning into his embrace. "But at least now I have this body and can share things with you."

'Things?', Arlen thought amused. "The time when the Captain was in detention must have been hard for you. And having to disguise as an VI, I am very grateful now for being able to tell people, 'Edi is an AI and part of the Normandy crew who saved us all from the Reapers'."

Edi turned her face to him, a smile playing on her lips.

"That means a great deal to me Arlen. Thank you." She kissed him gently.

Arlen smiled and gave her another kiss on the cheek then. "I believe once people start to understand AI's are just another form of sentient beings and are peaceful, they will respect the species and come to trust them. The Creators put something of themselves into AIs which allows us to have something in common. Your world is incredible, there is so much to learn and to understand. It is so different from what the normal eye can see. I could compare it to looking through a microscope and seeing cells and more. It is fascinating."

"You could re-enter it at any time now, Arlen. I... kind of tricked the engineers into hooking up the interface permanently..."

"You did? I am very interested to join your world again Edi. However, I have one request," Arlen looked at her lovingly. "The crew are our friends and I'm sure they look through it. Please, no more.. ah.. tricks?"

"I do not recall stating it was our engineers that I tricked. There were some here from the Alliance that I... persuaded to help me." Edi watched him.

"Oh! It's my mistake then, I apologize Edi." Despite saying sorry, Arlen was smiling at her.

"Why are you smiling so widely?" Edi asked, cocking her head to one side.

Arlen straightened up a little and looked over the part of the city they could see from the ship.

"Quite frankly, I'm really looking forward to meet you again in your real form. While I appreciate seeing you in such a beautiful human form, the scientist in me likes to see the species in their true form and environment. I love you for your personality, your principles, loyalty and what you personally stand for."

"I see... well it is there whenever you wish to make use of it. You know I would gladly welcome you there."

"I will gladly join you in your world Edi. I believe in time it will become our world, be it here or there." Arlen turned and embraced her for real.

Edi closed her eyes and just held him in her arms.

"I love you Arlen."

"I love you too Edi," Arlen replied, smiling once again.

  
  


The next day Kaidan followed Saya into the Normandy and made sure David wasn't slipping down his hip by trying to get him up once more. By now he knew female hips could be good for something else - carrying children.

"You know Saya, we could use someone as Nanny for the time when we can't look after them. They're crawling around, discovering their surroundings and keeping them in a play pen all day long just doesn't seem right. Edi might be good with keeping an eye on them, but having someone close by in person would be great."

Saya glanced back at him.

"Please tell me you have someone in mind."

"Actually I have not really. I was thinking aloud. Maybe Samantha Traynor? I'm sure if we ask around a few people are willing to watch over them."

Saya nodded thoughtfully, now having that on her mind with everything else.

"I like that idea actually."

Kaidan nodded and walked after her to the elevator. "As soon as I set up their beds I'll ask around. Is there anything else you'd like me to do?"

Saya looked thoughtful for a bit as they arrived at their cabin.

"I'm not sure. What would you like to do?"

Kaidan wanted to reply and thought about something else at the same time.

"Saya, concerning the idea of a Reaper who has survived. What about those who are, or were, in Dark Space? Did all of them come out and invade our galaxy? Can we be sure the Dark Space relay of the Citadel won't be used again? And even more, has any scientist tried to find a Reaper memory core, something that holds their... knowledge and memories, to find out about them and their Dark Space home? Or all the other civilizations they annihilated?"

Kaidan sighed and sat David down on the couch. "There was a reason why Jase wanted to have Dan with us. He probably knows more about them than we do."

She stared at him in surprise. He'd obviously been thinking about this a great deal.

"I... I don't know Kaidan. I don't know..."

Kaidan was watching her and silently wondered why she suddenly faltered. "Saya, how about I pay Dan a visit and see what he knows. I'll take David with me and also ask a few of our crew for babysitting hours."

"Kaidan...wait..." Saya looked at him. "I'm sorry. I just... I'm scared that we might be right."

Kaidan walked back the two steps he had taken towards the door and rested his forehead on hers. There was a soft understanding smile on his face.

"I am too; we all are. But I'm hopeful that we'll find nothing. And once we're absolutely certain they're all dead, we can finally let the past rest and move on."

"If Joker's theory is right... chances are Dan will tell us to look around the outer rim. That's the only place they could have survived what Jase did." Saya's voice was trembling a bit but she cleared her throat to continue. "I say we set course for Rannoch while we investigate further."

Kaidan nodded at this as it made sense to him. There was the nagging thought of going to the other part of the galaxy where the Reapers invaded from originally. "Aye aye."

"I'll come down to the CIC as soon as we find someone to watch over these two little lovable troublemakers..."

"Very lovable little troublemakers," Kaidan smiled at her and gave Saya a quick kiss. "I'll be in Dan's room."

Saya nodded and watched him go with David. She smiled to herself, thinking how much Kaidan had changed since the birth of the twins. He'd become a lot more open and approachable. There had even been reports cross her desk that the crew was asking him about a lot more than they ever had before. It lightened her heart greatly to see her husband back in his element and happy.

But the problem now was finding someone to look after said twins. She couldn't exactly be carrying Hilary or David around with her in the CIC. It wasn't safe for them. With a slight smile she switched on her comm unit.

"Doctor Novak? Could you report to my cabin please?"

"Of course ma'am. I'm on my way," came the prompt reply. On his way up Arlen was wondering if he'd done something wrong.

When her chime went not too long after, Saya was pleasantly surprised to open the door and find both Arlen and Edi there.

"Ahh... okay pretty sure I just asked for one of you but please, come in. I need your thoughts on something."

Edi went in right away, she had no intention of leaving Arlen alone with their Captain in case he needed her to defend him or his actions in any way.

Arlen had walked a circle in front of his Captain's cabin when Edi suddenly had emerged from the elevator. He had believed the Captain had called her up too. But now he felt embarrassed and was in a weird situation. No matter what he'd do, it would feel and be wrong. In the end he decided to say what he'd have said anyway.

"Captain, you wanted to see me?"

Saya smiled at him then noticed he seemed ill at ease.

"Relax, Arlen. I have a favour to ask of you. Well maybe of both of you. Do you know anyone who might be willing to watch the twins while Kaidan and I are on duty?"

Arlen picked away on his lip in thought.

"I suggest to choose two or three people only. If there are more, it might confuse them and they become... I'm trying to say it will not do them any good, nor yourself as the parents. Uhm, I have some experience with toddlers, of course, from dealing with them as a Doctor."

"I'm open to any and all suggestions, Arlen."

"How soon do you need someone Captain?" Arlen replied thoughtfully.

"Weeellll.... now would be handy." Saya smiled a bit.

"I would be honoured to be among one of the crew to aid in this matter." Edi stated.

Arlen looked at Edi, not really convinced he was good enough to care for two small children, in a parenting way. He nodded anyway. "I, erm, would be honoured too, Captain."

Grinning broadly, Saya gently hugged both Arlen and then Edi.

"Thank you both so much. I was hoping you would want to. The children already know you."

Arlen grinned, but he knew he didn't have a lot of experience with toddlers, only from dealing with them when curing their fevers or making sure their bellies didn't hurt.

"Captain, where would you like us to care for them? The med-bay isn't a suitable place."

"The port cargo hold could be retrofitted into a suitable location." Edi stated, her voice thoughtful. "It would not take much work."

Saya was nodding.

"Port or Starboard, take your pick. I think those rooms would be perfect."

This sounded good to Arlen and he nodded. "Edi and I will take care of it? And if you want me to take this...," Arlen looked at the baby to see who it was, "lovely young lady and watch over her. Everything in the med-bay is set and I have free time. Captain."

"I'm sure she would love to spend some time with you. And I would be most appreciative. Mainly because I have to get to the CIC. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Of course not, ma'am. Should I take anything else with me? Diapers or toys? Does she need food in some time?"

Saya handed Arlen a bag from next to the desk.

"Everything you should need for a few hours is in there. And don't worry - she'll let you know what she wants." She grinned almost secretly.

Arlen took the bag and wondered what he was in for. But babysitting sounded easy and what could such a wonderful child do?

"I'll do my best to entertain her and keep her.. satisfied. Until the child's room is ready, I will take her to the Observation room."

"I will begin transforming the port cargo hold immediately." Edi added, looking extremely pleased with herself for coming up with this solution.

"Thank you both. Kaidan might come by later with David then to see how things are going for you. I owe you two."

"Understood, ma'am." Arlen nodded and took Hilary from his Captain's arms. Despite the weird clumsiness he felt he tried to talk to her and bounced her a little on the way to the door.

"Oh you are a smart one, aren't you," he grinned at little Hilary and disappeared behind the now closed door.

  
  


Kaidan stood with David in front of Dan's door and knocked.

Dan looked up from his monitors.

"It's open."

Kaidan entered the room and within a second David became very interested by all the monitors and lights.

"Da! Da!"

Kaidan chuckled and looked at Dan. Right away he knew something was bothering Dan. But there was this look on his face and in his eyes and Kaidan knew better not to ask. Silently he wondered if he communicated the same when he felt troubled.

"Sorry, I hope you don't mind. We're looking for a nanny for them. I actually came here to discuss our mission. Have you been informed yet?"

"Of course I don't mind. I kind of think of them as family anyway to be honest. As for the mission... Yes I know about it. I knew about it when I boarded the Normandy. If I didn't I wouldn't be much of a Shadow Broker would I?" Dan chuckled softly then sighed. "I just wish I had some news for you."

Kaidan joined in with the chuckle and nodded then.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Kaidan eyed his son, staring wide eyed at the many monitors. "Basically he'd be your son too as we share the same DNA," Kaidan smiled at his twin and continued. "I suppose no news about Reaper activity is good news. Personally I think we killed all of them. But I can't deny the reasoning behind this. Making sure we really got all of them puts my mind at ease. Well, everyone's."

Dan bit his lip then looked back at his monitors.

"Yeah... it would put minds at ease. Especially mine."

Kaidan realized he didn't know how to calm himself. Or how to reassure Dan. But an idea came to mind.

"Edi? Do we still have the records of the battle around the Citadel from a year ago? I'm thinking

around the moment when the Crucible fired. After we brought Jase into shuttle."

Edi's voice came over the speaker.

"We do, although they are not the best quality."

Kaidan nodded and looked at Dan, wondering what the man would think then about their destruction.

"Please Edi, have them being played on Dan's monitors."

Dan watched the vids in silence. There was a pain etched in his face from not being able to do the same thing in his own reality.

"Alright.... so?"

"I would like to know if you think a Reaper could have survived something like this." Kaidan answered, staring at the paused vid himself. So many things had happened in this very moment and everything had changed for their future, in a good way.

"I suppose, in theory, if a Reaper had managed to disable a relay before the detonation then... it could be possible." Dan answered thoughtfully.

Kaidan nodded thoughtfully. "I fear this might be possible. Can you find out more and if your theory could be... true?"

"Honestly.. the best 'people' to ask would probably be the Geth. They might know more about the relays and how they operate."

Kaidan was interested to hear why Dan thought the Geth might know more. "They're a young 'species' and lived in isolation for more than 300 years," he mused thoughtfully. "You suggest them because of their contacts with Sovereign and their upgrades?" Kaidan knew Dan wouldn't suggest this without good reason.

Dan smirked and gave him a look.

"You don't expect a Shadow Broker to reveal *everything* right away do you?"

"I don't know, I've never been a Shadow Broker. While I personally rather hope we won't find one, I can't shake off the feeling that somehow Joker is right. My wife survived what you saw on the vids. Edi and the SR-2 weren't damaged either." Kaidan sighed and wanted to scratch his head, but he couldn't because he still had David on his arms. "And if something as small and 'simple' like Edi, Saya and the Normandy survived this...," he nodded slowly and continued, "The Geth. The Captains wants to fly to Rannoch."

"Rannoch? Perfect. If I recall what I've read correctly - the Geth are helping the Quarians rebuild right? We can ask whatever platform might be available. Though it would be easier if Liam or Legion were here."

Kaidan nodded. "Yes, they are. Liam's staying at home, helping to keep our home secure. And.. you know. We had a quarian with us, Tali'Zorah. She's an Admiral now and..," he chuckled softly. "Hey, why don't you come with us to the surface once we're there."

David babbled then something and pointed at Dan. "Dadda!"

Dan chuckled softly, watching the young boy.

"I'll think about it, thank you. But I also think you should take that little guy elsewhere before he gets confused as to which of us is his daddy..."

Kaidan hesitated a bit, mainly because he didn't want Dan to think he's jealous of his twin.

"I'll go, see our Captain, Captain Alenko," he smiled at him, teasing him a very little. "If you need me, just call for me, brother." Kaidan was very glad he'd been able to introduce him to their parents before they had gone back to work today.

Dan chuckled softly and nodded a bit. His face fell as he watched his other self go.


	8. Chapter Eight

Jase was at the CIC, having sat Kim onto the railing so she could watch the Galaxy Map in its full glory. As soon as it flared up and showed its full blinking scale (including all the pretty colors) Kim's eyes became big.

"Oooooh....! This so pretty! Can I have the map in my room too, Daddy Jase?"

Jase chuckled softly and gently corrected her. "This is, Kim. No, it's advanced technique." Before she could protest, and he knew she would as her head turned quickly towards him, the words already on her lips and readable in her eyes, Jase put his index finger onto her lips and shushed her.

"How about I paint your ceiling and add a few stars which will shine in the night?"

"I will have stars in my room?" She asked, eyes bright.

Jase nodded, grinning a little. But then the question of the stars was already forgotten again, as a new important matter popped up in her mind and she turned back to study the big map in front of her.

"Daddy Jase? Where are we? Where is Earth?"

Jase hit the map and let their homeworld blink. "There you go. Earth."

Kim watched in silence and nodded a tiny bit. Then she looked at him again, so very curious.

"Daddy Jase? Where are the Liams from?"

"They are Geth, Kim. And they are from here. Look over there, up in the corner," he pointed it out to her.

"Oooooh! This far sooo away! He not getting homesick?" She asked in awe.

"This is and he is not. No Kim, he's communicating with his people. All the way home." Jase leaned in and gave her hair a kiss while helping her to sit steady on the railing.

"Daddy Jase?" Kim whispered, looking carefully at him. "Where have the Reapers come from?"

"From Dark Space Kim. We can't see it nor enter it." Jase replied carefully, knowing she barely spoke about them. And it was a topic he didn't want her to venture in.

"Uh-huh," she said but it was clear something else was on her mind. "Will I always stay with you and Daddy Joker? You will not send me back like my other-other parents?"

Or the other two pairs who had tried to take her in before.

"No Kim, we won't send you back." Jase shook his head then he whispered, "Want to know a secret?"

"Yes! Please?" Kim whispered back.

Jase took her off the railing and sat her down on the stairs before he knelt down to see her eye to eye. He leaned in and whispered, "When I was your age, I had... other-other parents too. They sent me back, too. I had many more other-other parents, but they all sent me back. Nobody wanted me."

Kim looked at him with big eyes, processing this. "Where you bad, too?"

Jase shrugged a little and shook his head. "I don't know Kim. I was sad, like you were sad, too."

"Where you crying, too?" Kim whispered and suddenly Jase had a handful of Kim in his arms. It surprised him. But obviously she wanted to console him.

"Yeah, I was crying." A lot actually, he thought, but didn't tell her.

"And where you having bad dreams, too?" Kim whispered close to his ear.

Behind them Jase heard the elevator door opening and someone stepped out of it. Judging by the sound of the footsteps he knew it was Saya. For now he kept his focus on Kim.

"Yeah, I had bad dreams." And still today, but about other things. "I won't send you back. That's a promise."

Kim moved away a little, looking at him. Jase wondered what she was thinking now. Her small hand moved up and stroked his hair and Jase had to hide his grin, so not used to being caressed by a child.

"I have a secret too, Daddy Jase," Kim whispered. "I won't send you back either."

Jase had to work hard not to laugh. No wonder he loved the child so much. He smiled at her. "Thanks. That's good to know."

Saya couldn't help but smile at the scene in front of her. Kim's hand on Jase's face. It was so adult-like.

"Hey you two." She said softly, approaching the pair. "I was wondering if Kim might be interested in a little project for her Captain..."

"Hey," Jase greeted her with a smile and then he looked at Kim, wanting to see her reaction.

Kim was thinking, that much was obvious. She eyed Jase for a second as if remembering something then she spoke up, beaming at her. "Hi Captain aunt Saya. I can help you? Really?"

Chuckling, Saya awkwardly knelt down in front of the young girl.

"Arlen and Edi are going to make one of our cargo rooms into a play area for children. I didn't know if you might have some valuable input you could give them. It has to be a safe area for all of you. And my little ones will need a brave young woman like you to guard them. Do you think you're up for it?"

The wheels were turning in her head. Now she was bouncing on her heels and clapping her hands.

"Yes! Yes! I am! Can we have a doll house? And blankets? And cushions? And books? And a Liam and this here?" Kim moved away to the terminal. She reached up, barely able to hit the button and the map flared into life. But then she thought about something else.

"What is a ka-go room?"

Saya couldn't stop smiling at the little girl's enthusiasm for the project.

"A cargo room. It's where we store things we might need later. But we have an extra room and I would like it for you and the others so you have a place to play. I'm not sure what all we can get for the room but I'll tell you what - you make us a list of what you'd like to see and I'll do my best to see if we can't do it for you okay?"

"Car-go room," Kim nodded at her. But she couldn't really write yet. "I can draw you a list. I like to draw. Daddy Jase, can you help me draw a list?"

"Sure thing, Kim," Jase nodded at her. He knew his sister started to feel awkward from all the kneeling and he reached out, offering Saya a helping hand to get back onto her feet.

"We is..," Kim started but looked at Saya, then at Jase, who shook his head a bit at her with a smile. "Uh.. we are going to make a list! Yay! Daddy Joker helping us too?"

Saya nodded her thanks to her brother, her back aching a bit.

"You can ask whoever you like to help you Kim. Just don't distract your daddy Joker too much cause he's flying the ship okay?"

Kim nodded, watching her now with big eyes. "Yes aunt Saya." Then she took Jase's hand and held it, looking at him, expecting him to keep his promise of them visiting Jeff in the cockpit.

"Ship's in good shape, everyone's on board, we're ready to go." Jase told his sister softly. "Sam's just storing away her gear, she'll be here any minute."

"Thanks Jase. I appreciate everything you've done so far." She smiled at him.

Jase grinned at her and nodded. "Anytime. Kim and I will go and visit Jeff in the cockpit. We'll watch him flying us off Earth."

"Yay!" Kim bounced up and down.

Jase patted her back a little, trying to calm her down. "Destination?"

"For now... Rannoch. I don't know if that will change yet or not." Saya answered thoughtfully.

Jase nodded at this. He knew they might have to travel somewhere else too. "It'll be nice seeing Tali again." He had a small grin on his face, remembering the moment when he gave Tali the stone and where she would build her house. "Rannoch is it, I'll let Jeff know."

"Thanks Jase. Let him know we'll leave in about 30 minutes. I have a couple more things to take care of before we go."

Saya watched him with Kim for another minute before heading to her comm terminal by the map.

Jase nodded at his sister with the silent promise of having her back. Small hand in his big one, he lead Kim to the cockpit while explaining the little girl a few things and rules.

"And this is where daddy Joker is working." Jase walked to his left side and gave him a kiss.

Kim squeezed herself between the chair and the console on the right side, watching. Her small hands found Joker's forearm and she gently laid her hands on him. Mentally she was citing the many rules Jase had drilled into her on how to behave around his husband. No punching, no kicking, no squeezing, no jumping. While the adults were talking Kim yawned, mind busy with so many things. She carefully snuggled up to Joker's upper arm and rested her head there.

Joker glanced down at the little head resting on his arm then looked back at Jase.

"I think someone in the cockpit needs a nap. And no I don't mean me."

Jase looked at Jeff, then he peered over to where Jeff was nodding to.

"You're right. It's been an exciting day so far for her." Now he was torn. Letting her nap alone up in their cabin? The ship was still too strange of a place to her. Letting her nap in a char at the free terminal behind them? Too cool, she'd need a blanket. He could take the free chair next to Jeff and have her sleeping in his arms. Jase went and picked her up and Kim started protesting softly.

"Ssh ssh, it's alright," Jase said in a soft voice and moved to sit down with her in his chair. Once carefully seated and having the little girl sleeping on his chest, he looked over at Joker wanting to see what he was thinking. "She wanted to visit you. Badly."

Joker felt a small smile form on his face.

"Well that was nice of her."

Jase made sure Kim wouldn't move too much before he moved his left hand towards Jeff, holding out his hand for him to take it.

Joker reached over taking the offered hand and smiled at Jase.

Jase returned the smile. It ran deep and he let a lot of emotions show on his face, figuring it spoke louder than any words. Like, 'It was good I went with you back to the Normandy.', 'I love you, I'm glad I met you.', 'Couldn't ask for a better time of my life.'

"Ready to fly?"

"I'm always ready." Joker smiled back at him.

"Take her out nice and slow," Jase whispered with a grin and leaned back, sighing softly to himself. And he felt even happy, despite the lurking idea of a surviving Reaper. This time, he was going to enjoy the lift off. Too bad Kim was deeply asleep, missing it for now.


End file.
